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Taking my son’s hand, I led him to the sofa in the living room and sat down, taking him with me. With him on my lap, I turned him sideways so he could see me when I spoke.
“Baby, I know it isn’t easy to understand but we can’t just go out and get a daddy.” His lip jutted out a fraction and the sadness in his eyes killed me.
“Why not?” he said in a small voice.
“Well, Mommy would have to find someone that she liked and you liked before they could be a daddy.”
Heck, I was explaining this like crap but I was struggling myself. Then, the next comment shook me to the core.
Zander seemed to think for a second and then said, “Let’s ask Rowan. I like him, he’s nice.” A triumphant smile split his face as if he’d figured it all out. “Can we ask him today to be my daddy?”
Everything in me stilled, then my pulse picked up and emotions slammed into me like a sneak wave that had me sinking in despair.
“Mom!” Zander called out, trying to snap his little fingers in front of my face to get my attention. Not able to snap yet, his skin just brushed together, leaving a swooshing sound in their wake. “Are you listening? I want to ask him today.”
Popping out of the daze I was in, I closed my eyes for a second and tried to get my bearings. A question I never thought would come and my worst nightmare all happened in the blink of an eye. And it was my fault for coming to the town to find Gyth. But how could I have ever known Rowan would be in the same place?
“Honey, we are going to be late getting to Dexter’s so we will talk about this later, okay?” Nice deflection I know, but I seriously had not known what to do. It scared the crud out of me.
“Yay, let’s go.” Zander jumped from my lap and ran toward the front door.
And just like that, because he was a kid and wanted to play, the fire was diverted for the time being, but I knew it would come back to burn me later.
* * *
I feltlike I was in the hot seat.
After dropping off Zander, I rode to lunch with Summer and we met up with all the other ladies at a cool Mexican restaurant called Who Song & Larry’s on the Columbia River. It was a beautiful summer day and we’d been seated out on the deck under a large umbrella.
While everyone ordered drinks from the waitress, I gazed out at the sun shining off the rippling river and tried to shake off my nerves. Jurnee, Summer, Alley, Teal, and Gemma were there and it was a little intimidating. When they had get-togethers and the guys, Jurnee’s parents, and more people were mingling, it hadn’t been so awkward.
But it felt different with just the ladies. And all of them too. Sometimes not everyone made it to stuff and it had only been a few times. I hadn’t seen Gemma since the first time I had arrived. From what I heard in conversation she was not only busy, but the ladies said she had been a little quiet lately and nobody knew why, even if she insisted everything was fine.
“So,” Alley started.
Here we go. Shit.
“I was really the one that wanted to talk to you, but the other ladies just used it as an excuse to have a girl’s day,” she added.
No denial came from anyone, they just laughed.
“You know we’ll use any excuse for a day away with our friends,” Summer added.
Hearing her use the word friends made me wonder if I was included in their group. I was there with them so my body fluttered with hope and some of my worries disappeared.
While the others commented on Summer’s reply, Teal who was seated on one side of me leaned over and softly said, “It wasn’t that long ago that I was right where you are, but trust me, we already think of you as one of us.”
Her smile was so sweet and genuine, along with her words, that I found myself relaxing even more. “Thank you,” I whispered back.
The waitress snuck in and took our orders before Alley could get back to business, but as soon as that was done, she launched in with her spiel. It wasn’t bad at all, in fact, it was an amazing offer, and excitement raced through me.
“As you know I’m an author and you love books. I recently lost my editor due to personal reasons with her family and have also been searching for a PA to help me out. Now that I have a family I want to free up time for them.” A loving smile swept across her face. “I was thinking maybe you would like to take one or both on as a job until you decide if it is for you or you are going to open up another bookstore?”
I had revealed that I had an English degree, thinking I would teach but decided that the bookstore was more my dream. While I hadn’t edited before, I knew I could do it. But why did she want me?
“You look stunned. Don’t be. The job, either one or both would be perfect for you. And I pay good,” Alley said with a big smile and a wink.
Hadn’t I been thinking just that morning I needed to be working? But I also hadn’t determined where that would be and yet I wanted to say yes. Still I hesitated. Rowan’s name still sat in that con column and Zander had thrown me for a loop with his questions. Even more than before, staying may not be possible.
