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I look him in the eye, and I see the moment it dawns on him. His whole body stills, like a snake ready to strike.
“That cunt Robert?” he asks in a growl. I nod.
“He's a fucking dead man walking,” Loki bites out, his whole body rigid.
“What happened next?” Kai asks softly, and I turn my head to see him on my other side, his hand coming to rub my back too.
I swallow again and close my eyes.
“H–he came at me. Started saying about how now that I wasn't with Loki and Jax, it was his turn. I–I tried to run.”
My breath hitches and I feel hot tears begin to trickle down my cheeks. A hand holding a soft piece of fabric wipes at them, and I look up to see Ash with a white handkerchief.
“B–but he grabbed my hair and pulled me down. I hit my head, I think, and then he was pinning me beneath him.” I swallow again, feeling like I'm experiencing it all over again, my heart rate picking up and my breathing becoming shallow.
“I tried to scream, but he put his hand on my mouth, so I bit it, hard.” I'm looking into Ash's eyes, and I see the barest hint of a smile at that, like he's proud of me for fighting dirty.
“Good girl,” he praises gently when I pause. “And then?” His fingers start rubbing over the knuckles of the hand he’s still holding.
“He punched me, here,” I say, hearing growls behind me as I lift my other hand to my throbbing jaw.
I hiss as Jax presses an ice pack gently to the area. The cold feels so good on my heated skin, a breath of relief leaves me. I start to smile at him in thanks, then wince at the movement. His blue eyes flare with anger, which he's somehow still managing to hold in check.
I look away from Jax. I can't bear to meet any of their eyes as I recall the next part.
“I must have blacked out for a few moments because when I came to, he...he was on top of me, his pants down, my knickers gone, and...and…” I stutter, unable to continue. My hand has Ash’s in a death grip, his own gripping back just as hard.
Loki's arms are so tight around me it hurts, but I don't tell him to loosen his grip. I need to feel him anchoring me, or I'll slip away.
“Did he…” Ash takes in a breath but holds my gaze. “Did he rape you, Lilly?” I've never heard him stutter before, or his breath hitch like that.
I shake my head, fresh tears running down my face.
“No…” I whisper. “But he was almost there,” I admit, hanging my head as I feel an itchy uncomfortable shame flush through me.
“Hey,” I hear Kai say as he gently lifts my chin. He's come around to my side, next to Jax, and is staring deep into my eyes. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, Lilly. None of this was your fault.”
“I–I know. It's just… if I hadn't run away from you guys that night…” I sob, unable to continue. But I see the shame flash brightly in his eyes.
“This. Is. Not. Your. Fault,” Jax says between gritted teeth, the first aid stuff abandoned by his feet as I look at him. “We should have taken better care of you.” His voice is filled with anger and self-loathing.
I glance at the others, and they all have the same guilt-ridden look on their faces. They truly believe my...attack is their fault.
“No,” I say firmly, anger flooding my veins and helping to straighten my spine a little. “This is not your fault either. None of you.” I look them each in the eye, one by one. “It's…” I swallow. “It's h–his fault.”
I can see the rage transform the guys as it sweeps over each of them. And I realise that they may be monsters, but they are beautiful monsters. And they're mine. They will burn down the entire world and everyone in it for me.
“What happens if I report this to the police?” I ask, turning back to Ash. I may be new to this world, but I'm not stupid. These kids, their families, have immense power, and I know that things like this can easily be made to disappear.
“His father is the Governor of Colorado,” Ash tells me, still gripping my hand like I'm his lifeline instead of the other way around. “I doubt the police would even show up.”
I take a deep breath, closing my eyes, hating that the world is like this. That people can do what they please with no consequences. Although, perhaps, that can work in my favour.
My eyes snap open, and I stare into Ash’s swirling steel grey ones.
“Then I want you to make him bleed. Make him hurt so bad that he will never be able to do this to anyone else.” My voice is hard and as sharp as glass.
Perhaps, in order to beat the true monsters of this world, you need to first join them?
