Page 173 of Bittersweet


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Lilah won the men.

Thepromiseof Lilah won the men over.

Where I shied away from the role, Lilah leaned into it.

She loved the chess game, loved playing it.

I think a part of her saw herself as the one who was to follow in Dad’s footsteps.

And that’s where she went wrong—she missed all the clues because she was too filled with ambition. She missed the hints I dropped because she wanted to live her curated life too badly. And even once she knew a part of the picture, she didn’t want to risk that life by seeing the rest of it.

“And now I’ll do it with you,” he says like that’s the obvious answer, and, I guess, to him, it is. But I know what it’s like to hold the burden of keeping someone else safe. Ben deserves freedom from that.

“You don’t have to—”

“I do have to take care of you.” His words break me from my thoughts, the mental games of what ifs and assigning faults. My head moves to him, where he’s still staring at me, eyebrows together, confusion now covering his face. “I amgoingto take care of you, Lola.” I keep staring, confused. “And not just for right now.”

I think I know what he means.

In a way, it’s an answer to my question.

The question of what will happen once this all settles and the excitement is over.

Once his sense of misplaced duty settles and wears off.

“Ben, seriously—”

“You’re mine.” His words stun me into silence. “You’re mine, and I take care of what’s mine.”

“Seriously, it’s sweet, but I . . .”

“Lola, what the fuck are you doing right now?”

“What?”

“What are you doing? What’s your goal here? What game are you playing?”

“I’m not—”

“Are you really telling me you’re not mine?”

“I don’t understand.” My head is a scrambled mess as I try to untangle my thoughts and his words.

“Are you telling me you’re not mine, Lola?” She opens her mouth to argue. “Am I yours?” I’m getting annoyed now. This man can’t even let me fucking speak.

“I just—”

“I’m not playing games.”

“Jesus fucking Christ, Ben, if you let me finish a single fucking sentence!” I shout, and then he does it.

He smiles.

“There she is.”

“Who is?“

“Fiesty Lola.MyLola.”

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