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“Sounds good, baby,” she says, at the same time Dad asks, “Do you need the van, Bug?”
“No, thanks, I can walk,” I say. “Or take a car service if I need to. I have my purse.”
“All right but call if you need me to pick you up on the way home,” Dad says. “We can get burritos and save all Mommy’s good cooking for when she comes home tomorrow.”
“And I’ll only eat the vegetables and rice,” she says with a smile.
“Sounds good.” I pause in the doorway, overwhelmed with a wave of love for them. They might be older than my friends’ parents and stressed out and stuck in their ways, but they love me more than anything in the world.
Mom proved that today. For the first time in my life, I know I’m more important than her pride or her worry or her need for control. Our relationship, and the love between us, comes before any of that.
But deep down…I think I’ve always known that. My fear had me convinced that standing up to my mother would destroy my family, but it didn’t. Standing up for myself may just havefixedmy family and put us on the path to an even stronger, more authentic relationship. My higher self, the part of me that understands that real love isn’t that easy to destroy, knew that all along.
And now it knows what to do about Sam, too,exactlywhat to do.
If only I’m brave enough to listen…
“Wish me luck, guys,” I whisper. “I love you.”
“And we love you, but why do you need luck?” Mom asks. “What are you up to now?”
“Dad can fill you in, but don’t worry,” I say, wiggling my fingers at my sweet little parents. “I’ve got this. I think. And if not, there’s always burritos with Dad to look forward to.”
I head out into the hall, crossing my fingers at my sides as I hurry toward the elevator, already knowing that no burrito—not even a super-stuffed, jalapeno-and-fried-onion-ring Big Paco special with extra cheese—will be able to cheer me up if I ruin this thing with Sam. But I also know that won’t stop me.
I’m on the truth train and I’m not getting off until I reach the last stop, the one that hopefully ends with Sam and I making out in my childhood bedroom.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Sam
Ipace the platform at the station, dividing my attention between the sun brushing the treetops at the edge of the parking lot and the empty tracks stretching away in both directions.
Everything but my wallet and cell is still at Jess’s parents’ house, but it doesn’t matter. I have plenty of clothes at my hotel in the city. In just a couple hours, I’ll be back there, ensconced in the lap of luxury with a glass of hundred-dollar bourbon to help numb the pain of looking into Jess’s eyes and seeing…nothing.
She didn’t even look upset, just…flabbergasted, like I was a zoo animal who’d just wandered up to the bars to ask if she’d like to talk about her car’s extended warranty.
“Fucking idiot,” I curse as I drag a clawed hand through my hair and will the 7:35 train to hurry the fuck up already.
I need to get out of this town and away from my latest mistake. I never should have come back here. I should have stayed in London, safely behind the curtain, and let the game design team woo Jess into our world. I could have watched her success from afar, been proud I was able to help the woman I love in some small way and spared us both that mortifying conversation in the waiting room.
After the chemistry between us and that last, soul-melting kiss on the train, I’d thought there was a good chance Jess felt something for me, too. But I was wrong. And now, I’ve probably ruined everything. I doubt Jess will feel comfortable taking that job interview now, let alone making good on our camp bargain or even being my friend again.
Though, if I’m honest with myself, I don’t know that I could be just her friend. Now that I’ve kissed her, tasted her, felt her body warm against mine as we snuggled on the couch last night, being “good buddies” wouldn’t be enough.
It was never enough. That’s why I left when I did, the way I did.
“And then you decided to come home and ruin your clean break,” I mutter as I pace faster, ignoring the woman watching me from the opposite platform, clearly trying to decide if I’m harmless crazy or dangerous crazy.
But I’m harmless and we’re separated by two rows of train tracks. I’m no danger to her or the little girl clutching her hand or anyone else, except myself.
And maybe Jess, who had enough on her plate tonight without my selfish confession.
Fuck.I should have kept my fucking mouth fucking shut. It didn’t matter that all my feelings for her were rising inside me like a flood or that some stupid voice in my head thought the truth would make her feel better about the way our friendship ended. I should have remained calm and in control and realized that half an hour after her mom had a heart attack wasn’t the right time to bare my soul.
You should have realized there was never going to be a right time and let the stupid dream die without dragging Jess into it.
The inner voice is right.
