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“I’ll try.” I collect my things and stand to go.
“Marina.”
I turn back to look at Dr. Tilney.
“If you need to talk anytime, day or night, please call. I’m always here, not just during our sessions.” Her eyes are kind and sincere, but I know better.
It’s dollar bills that she’s seeing when she looks at me. It’s always about the money. I school my features, refusing to show any sign of weakness or hurt.
“Thanks, Dr. Tilney,” I say, shutting the door and therapy behind me for the day.
On my way to the car, my phone lights up in my hands. I consider just stuffing it in my pocket and ignoring its existence, but I’ve been doing that for too long. I’ve slowly pushed away everyone frombefore, yet they don’t give up. Groaning, I lift the screen to my face, shielding it from the sun.
Shannon: I miss you. Dinner tonight?
I audibly sigh, because deep down I knew this was what it would be. I’m not really up for it after the session with Dr. Tilney, not that I really need an excuse to opt out. I’ve avoided my friends for weeks. The fact Shannon still tries is a testament to how good of a friend she is. I don’t deserve her loyalty. It would be so much easier if she’d just give up on me.
Me: Let me get back with you. Just leaving the gym.
I lie. I always lie. Telling my friends about seeing a shrink is never going to happen. They probably suspect as much, but I don’t see a point in confirming it. My friends don’t need to worry that I’m losing my mind again. They know about before.
Shannon: Please! You ditched us last week
And the week before that. I truly feel bad pushing off Shannon, but it’s never just her. I’d be forced to hang out with our old group, and that’s not something I choose to do to myself. It’s easier to avoid them rather than being dragged into conversations that I don’t want to have. At twenty-one years old, they’ve experienced things I’ve never even dreamed of. College, dating, typical milestones. Things I’ve never experienced because my life isn’t normal.
No matter how much I care about my friends, it’s hard to not be bitter. They’ve moved on while I’ve stayed rooted in this state of perpetual hell without Maggie. I know it’s not their fault, and at the end of the day, I have to remind myself of that. They loved Maggie and they miss her too. It’s just that they have the luxury of moving on. I don’t. I’ve been unfair and the first step in making things better is stepping out of my comfort zone.
Me: Okay, fine. I’ll see you tonight.
Shannon: Yes! Head to my house.
I blow out a breath, trying not to let the events of the day hover over me like a black cloud. If I’m going to have to put a smile on my face tonight for my friends’ benefit, I need to start working on it now.
As I unlock my car, a familiar feeling of unease washes over me. I stop in my tracks as every hair on the back of my neck stands at attention.
No. No. No. Not again.Someone is watching me.
I glance around at the parking lot. Empty. My eyes dart toward the alley to my left. Empty. Across the street, the park is also vacant. In fact, it’s eerily quiet for this time of day.Where is everyone?A hoarse cawing noise has my head snapping to a pole across the road in the park.
A large black crow sits stoically, staring directly at me.
“Creepy freaking bird.”
At that, the thing takes flight, coming right at me. I practically jump into my Volkswagen, locking the door behind me. Putting the key into the ignition, I turn the car on and yelp at the blaring music coming from the radio.
“Jesus Christ.” My hands come to my chest, my breathing heavy.
Pull yourself together, Marina.
My head falls to the steering wheel as I try to calm my racing heart. My paranoia isn’t good. It’s just like before. It’s how everything started with Maggie too. First the delusions, then the hallucinations. Or so we thought.You beat it.
I run both hands through my hair, pulling at the roots. All the anger, frustration, and sadness are coming to a head. A primal scream bursts from my vocal cords as my fists pound the steering wheel, over and over again, until all the fight leaves me and I’m nothing more than a weeping girl in a deserted parking lot.Alone.
Chapter Two
Coming through the front door to my parents’ home is anything but comforting. Where most of my friends would be greeted by an overeager mother desperate to spend time with them
since they’ve been away at college, I’m met with silence.
