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“What? No way,” Jill cries. “You can’t leave yet.”
“I’m lame tonight. My bed is calling.” I smile, trying to convey that it’s not them. It’s me.
“We hardly see you anymore,” Andrea whines, but it lacks conviction. If I had to guess, she isn’t all that sad I’m leaving. She’s only trying to act like a good friend.
“We’ll do this again soon,” I promise, but I don’t mean it. There is not a part of me that believes I’ll subject myself to this again anytime soon. I’ll always have love for my friends, but we are different people, living in different worlds. I’m not the fun Marina they once knew. No, that girl is gone.
“I’m not ready to leave,” Jill says to the group, and they all agree.
“You girls stay. I can walk home by myself. It’s nice outside and I could use some fresh air.”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Shannon’s eyes narrow in my direction.
She’s always been the overly careful one of all my friends. I love that about her, but tonight, I just want her to let me be.
“My house is only a few blocks away. What could possibly happen in Liberty?”
“Your house is like a mile away.” Shannon quips, scrunching her nose. “It’s towns like these that breed serial killers.”
I bark a laugh at her paranoia.
“I’ll be fine. I’ll text you as soon as I’m home.”
And I will. Shannon has been my friend longest, and I don’t want to hurt her. She’s the one I’ll miss most when I stop hanging out.
“I’m walking you out.” Shannon stands, ushering me toward the door.
Jill and Andrea give me hugs, making me swear to text the moment I’m home. I squeeze them a little longer than normal. A thank you for all the good years and fond memories. A goodbye as well. I lift my hand and say goodnight to the guys and head toward the exit.
As soon as we’re out of earshot of the other two, Shannon swoops in with her questions.
“Are you okay?” Her voice is low and full of concern.
I blow out a breath, trying to figure out where her questions are going to go.
“I’m all right. It was just a long day.”
“Do you wanna talk about it?”
I turn to her.
“Not really.”
Lines form in Shannon’s forehead. “We all miss her too, you know? You can talk to us.”
I sigh.
“I know.”
“Do you? Because I feel like you’re pulling away every day.”
She’s too perceptive, always has been. How do I tell her she’s right? Would she understand and let me go? Instead, I continue with the lies.
“I’m not trying to, Shan. I just need some time to myself.”
“I just miss you.” A tear slips down her cheek and I lean in to wipe it away. “You two were like my sisters. I feel like I’ve lost you both.”
I grab her hands in mine and squeeze. “Give me some time, please,” I beg my oldest friend.
