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Sitting on my ass while someone else cleaned up was something I learned early on never to do if you knew what was good for you, and my body and brain tug-of-warred so hard my hands shook. But I stayed sitting, fidgeting and on edge, and eventually reaching over for the note cards on the other end of the table.
“We never actually studied today,” I realized. “Fuck, and my notes got all ruined.”
“I might still have mine somewhere if you think they’d help,” he told me, putting the rest of the pizza in the fridge. “Oh, wait, I forgot.” He opened the closet next to the refrigerator and it turned out not to be a closet at all, it had a stacked up washer and dryer hiding inside. He tugged open the dryer door and reached in, coming back to the table with his gray hoodie in his hands.
Mygray hoodie, my body was pretty sure, the way I responded to seeing it all clean and dry and not ruined after all, and I realized I’d felt so fucking guilty about it I’d actually blacked it out of my mind. I reached out for it, barely even embarrassed by how desperate I was to have it in my hands, hold it up to my cheek and feel how soft it was, slip my arms into it and stuff them in the pockets where it was still a little warm.
When I looked up, he seemed startled watching me, and yeah,thenI was embarrassed, more when he reached out and scrubbed at my hair like he was petting a dog.
“You should keep that,” he told me. “Looks nice on you.”
I didn’t even argue, I just pulled the hood up over my head and he laughed.
“I was going to wash the rest of your clothes, but I didn’t want to go digging through your shorts and stuff without making sure it was okay.”
“You have a free pass to reach into my shorts any time you want.”
He snorted. “Good to know.”
“I can do my own laundry though. If you show me how to work that.”
He nodded. “I will. But just let me worry about all that stuff for now. Studying. That’s all you need to do. You wanna lay those cards out? Or you ready for bed again?”
“No, I can play,” I told him, unwrapping his rubber bands. “Are they shuffled?”
“Yeah, I tried that thing you did in the library and sprayed them all over the kitchen, so they’re pretty shuffled.”
I grinned, imagining that, liking the idea of him thinking about me when I wasn’t around. “You know I…”
He looked up from brushing crumbs off the table, and I tried to pull together something that didn’t sound stupid.
“I really appreciate you helping me study and shit. I know I haven’t acted like it, I just complain about everything, I don’t know how… I might have just let myself fuck it all up. Even with Coach yelling at me to get a tutor… Sometimes I get so close to getting my shit together and I just… can’t do anymore. No matter how easy it is, those last few yards are just impossible. I think I would have just quit trying if you hadn’t been so bossy and so…” I held up the cards. “Your dumb shit works, I think. I don’t know why, it just… You are the last person in the world who should ever do anything for me. I’ve always been such an asshole to you, and you’re basically saving my life. I don’t deserve any of this.”
For a minute he didn’t say anything, and I wasn’t sure if he was mad or thinking or what. Finally, he shook his head. “You deserve all of it. You deserve everything. And that’s exactly what you’re going to get.”
CHAPTER SEVEN
I really thought withoutthe end-of-study-hall bell interrupting us, we’d finally clear the table, but the cards weren’t even half gone before hydrogen and helium were blurring together in front of my eyes and in my brain, and I yawned hard, hiding it behind my hand.
“I saw that,” Caleb said, looking up from the table. “Let’s get you back to bed.”
“But we’re still playing. You just wanna quit because you’re losing.”
For someone so smart, he honestly was so bad at this game, and I really didn’t think he was doing it on purpose.
“We can leave it like this and pick it up in the morning, how about that. And I’m not losing, I’m behind. Big difference.”
“I don’t wanna quit though,” I told him, although bed actually sounded pretty good, even after the giant nap I’d just had.
“You don’t really wanna argue with me, Logan,” he said simply, and I shivered, knowing exactly what that meant without him needing to say it.Listen to your daddy.“You’ve had a big day. Time to go to bed and let me hold you all night.”
Well, as much as I wanted to, it was hard to argue with that.
* * *
His bathroom was crazy organized, and he took some time pointing out where everything was, which I appreciated because I hated feeling lost and behind. It was all tucked away in drawers and cupboards instead of spread out on the counter, so it didn’t seem so extreme, but he had an avalanche of stuff, just like in the other rooms. This stuff was actually useful, though. So many clean towels, and back up-back up mouthwash, and then he pulled out a basket from under the sink, holding it out in my direction.
“Any one you want,” he told me, and I peeked inside.
