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I shrug, flicking my eyes over to him. “Won’t know until I try it.” Tapping into that bond is the very last thing I want to do—I haven’t done it in decades—but if it means getting Calla back, I’m going to shove aside all my shit and do it.
“You want us here, brother?” Kade asks, his eyes on me. There’s tension in his forehead; he’s worried about me, though he doesn’t know the history I have with my sire, he—along with the others—can likely sense the unease coursing through me.
I exhale a heavy breath. “Yeah. I know I owe you all an explanation—”
“Stop,” Atlas cuts in, shaking his head. “You owe us nothing. Understand?”
“We’re here for you,” Lex chimes in. “That doesn’t come with strings. You tell us what you want and when you want. Your terms, Gabe.”
Nodding, I swallow hard. “Let’s get this over with,” I finally say.
“Try to relax,” Atlas tells me, giving me a knowing look. Because the thought of any of us relaxing right now is pretty fucking laughable. Not with Calla out there with a psychotic vampire who is as unpredictable as she is powerful. She and Atlas are fairly close in years, both having been born to vampire bloodlines three centuries ago. He understands the magnitude of being a vampire’s sire—another thing they have in common, and something I’ve never experienced aside frombeingsired.
I close my eyes, taking several breaths to steady my heart rate and even out my breathing. I focus on each core group of muscles in my body, one by one, forcing them to unclench. It takes a good ten minutes before I’m able to connect with the level of calm I’m typically able to achieve in a minute or so.
The room is silent, save for the beating of our hearts and soft breathing. No one speaks, they don’t try to interfere, they’re just here for me.
I tip my head back against the cushion and exhale slowly, pushing my senses outward. My fangs extend to their full length, my gums throbbing almost painfully. I try to visualize the image of my sire—the memory of her long, ivory hair and brilliant silver eyes. Her alabaster skin and dark lips. Just as her form starts to materialize in my head, every muscle in my body locks, and I grunt at the wicked sensation of hitting a solid wall of nothingness and being blasted backward. My eyes fly open, and I bark out a curse, my nerve endings tingling with electricity.
Kade grabs my arm. “What happened?” His eyes are narrowed, but concern fills his face.
“I…” My voice fades as I turn my gaze to Atlas. “I don’t know. I thought it was working. Then it was like I ran into a wall out of nowhere and something shoved me back.” I shake my head, trying to clear the thick, heavy fog there. “Could she be blocking me herself?”
Atlas frowns. “I haven’t heard of that. The sire bond is an open connection, from the moment it snaps into place until one vampire perishes.”
I rub at my temples, willing the deep ache to subside. “Then I have no idea what the hell just happened. I feel like she pushed me out.” Shoving my hand through my hair, I get up, cursing again under my breath. Guilt weighs heavy on my chest, and the only way to make it fade is to get Calla back.
“We’re going to figure this out,” Kade says, looking up at me.
“How?” I practically growl. “You don’t know her, Kade. She could be tormenting Calla every second that we don’t find her. Messing with her head,biting her, telling her everything we’ve kept hidden to ensure her safety.” I scoff, more to myself than at him. “And look where that got us,” I grumble. “We have no idea what’s happening to her, and this is my fault. Selene is trying to get to me by hurting Calla.”
“Gabe, don’t,” Kade says in a firm voice, getting off the couch in a blur of movement and moving to stand in front of me.
“It’s true,” I snap. “I’m not strong enough to find out where she is.”
Kade steps forward until we’re nose-to-nose, and grabs my arms to keep me from moving away. “Yeah, and I was the one here when she left. How do you think I’m feeling about the situation?” His tone is sharp and there’s a fire in his eyes that I know is reflected in mine.
I grip his arms, digging my fingers into his leather jacket. “She’s in danger because of me,” I say through my teeth, breathing hard. My heart is slamming against my ribcage with every painful beat.
Kade lets go of my arms and pulls free of my grip before cupping the side of my neck. “That’s enough.” His voice carries an authoritative tone I’m not used to hearing from him. He leans in, pressing his forehead to mine. It’s cool against my fevered skin, and I shut my eyes, my pulse ticking unevenly.
“Kade—”
“Blaming yourself isn’t going to bring her back, so quit it. We’re going to find her.” He tightens his grip on me, pulling me closer until our chests are pressed together. “Calla is going to come home, and we’re going to kill the bitch that took her.” He lowers his voice. “And who did this to you.”
My chest tightens, and I pull away from him, walking around the couch. I head for the stairs leading to the second level. Lex calls my name, and I hear him move to follow me, but Atlas says, “Give him a minute.”
I move with inhuman speed, not stopping until I’m in my bedroom, a closed door separating me from the rest of the world. I fall back against it, my hands clenched into fists at my sides and a muscle in my jaw ticking angrily.
I was our only chance, and I failed. If I’m to believe what Selene said on the phone, until Calla decides she wants to leave, we have no way of finding her.
6
Calla
My footprints have to be imprinted in the floor by this point. I’ve been pacing back and forth across the room for what feels like hours. I really shouldn’t be using my energy where I don’t need to, but I’ve never been this restless. My skin itches and my mind is spinning.
I take a hesitant sniff of my underarm and recoil at the less than pleasant smell. Frankly, I stink. The thought of showering is both enticing and exhausting, but when I try to run my fingers through my hair to pull it back and they get tangled immediately, my mind is made up. I’ll shower and then come up with a way out of here.
