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“Mom, it’s okay. This isn’t… None of this is your fault.” My voice is firm; she has to know I don’t blame her for anything that’s happened.
“I should be happy about this. You can get your life back, move on from this nightmare, and…” Her voice trails off, and she frowns at me. “But you’re not sure that’s what you want, is it?”
I press my lips together, trying desperately to hold back the tears threatening to spill down my cheeks if I blink. “I…” I look away.
“You care for them,” she offers in a low voice.
“I didn’t want to. I tried to fight it at first, but the longer I spent with them, the more I realized they weren’t as bad as I thought they’d be. And I couldn’t force myself to hate them when I thought I’d be bound to them for the rest of my life. I couldn’t live like that.”
Mom releases a shaky sigh and swallows hard as the coffee machine gargles behind her. “I’m really trying to understand, honey, I am. I can’t imagine what you’ve been through these last two months, and while I’m glad they seem to have been taking care of you, I’m not sure I can get past the reason they’re in your life. I’m still working through that with your father if I’m being completely honest.”
“I get that,” I tell her. “And just because I’ve somewhat made my peace with it doesn’t mean you automatically have to. It affected you differently, and you have every right to work through it however you need to.”
Her brows lift, and she shakes her head, offering me a watery smile. “When did you get to be so wise and graceful?” She smooths a hand along my hair and settles her gaze on me before she says, “What doyouwant, Calla?”
I hold her gaze, the pit in my stomach growing as dread weighs my shoulders down. “I don’t want to be a vampire, Mom.” I blink back the tears burning my eyes. “I’m terrified of losing control of myself—of losing myself in general, actually. I don’t even fully know who I am yet, and now I’m faced with this choice that doesn’t really feel like achoiceand it’s going to change the path of my life. Again.” I force myself to stop rambling before I go blue in the face. Because, like I told Atlas, today isn’t the first time I've thought about becoming a vampire. It’s hard not to when I spend every day surrounded by them. There’s probably a small part of me that wants it—at least certain aspects of it—and that scares me even more.
“Have you considered the other option?” she asks.
“Of course. But the thought of forgetting them… it hurts.”
“It wouldn’t hurt forever,” she says gently, “and you’d get your life back.”
I frown, and my voice lowers. “This is my life now.” The words are heavy on my tongue, and I realize the weight of them is the truth.
Her eyes shift away from me as if she can’t bring herself to look at me as she says, “Then it sounds to me like you’ve made your choice.”
“Mychoiceis them,notbecoming a vampire.”
Mom shakes her head. “And why exactly are those your only options?”
“That,” I say in a tight voice, “is a somewhat complicated story.”
“Try me,” she insists, and I sigh.
“One of the vampires, Atlas, his family is kind of important in the vampire world. I guess his parents are like royalty or something. A lot of people look to them for leadership, and apparently, their son having a ‘human pet’ is a bad look.”
“A human—You have got to be kidding me.” Her voice is filled with anger, which is also reflected in her eyes, and I can’t say I blame her because I’m pissed about it myself. There is absolutely nothing I like about Atlas’s parents, what they stand for, or the power they hold over their son. Nothing about this situation is fair, and even worse, there’s nothing I can do about it. So here I am, again, powerless to what’s going to happen to me.
“I told you, it’s complicated.”
She scoffs. “There’s nothing complicated about that, Calla. Atlas’s parents are threatened by you. That much is clear.”
I nearly laugh at that. “I don’t know, Mom. These people are terrifying. They don’t care about human life, like, at all.” I almost tell her what Lenora said about me essentially not being their problem if I lose my memories and the hunters come after me. My parents already know enough about the supernatural world—there’s no reason for them to be burdened with the knowledge of the hunters as well.
Mom wraps her arms around me, and I lean my cheek on her shoulder, closing my eyes and allowing the familiar warmth of her and the aroma of the coffee brewing behind us to bring me a brief moment of peace. Because I really fucking need it.
“Will you stay here tonight?” she asks softly.
I pull back and smile at her. “If I stay, Gabriel has to as well.”
She presses her lips together, then nods. “I figured as much. I’d just like to have my daughter under my roof for one night.” She lifts her hand to my cheek and holds it there. “I miss you.”
I cover her hand with mine. “I miss you, too.”
With coffees in hand, we return to the living room, where Dad and Gabriel seem to be engaged in a surprisingly friendly conversation. Gabriel can turn on the charm when he needs to, though I am surprised he managed to win my dad over.
I drop down on the couch next to Gabriel and offer him a mug. “Looks like we’re sleeping over. Hope that won’t cause any problems,” I murmur.
