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She sighs and smiles sadly. “I can’t make this decision for you, Maverick. Only you know in your heart what’s right. But I will tell you that you can’t base your decision on our relationship, or on what you think your parents expect from you. This is your life, your future, your career. You need to decide what’s best foryou.”
“I know.” I take her hand in mine and lace our fingers together. “I feel like I’ve been on this path for so long, and now that I’m almost at the end, I’m questioning everything. And then there’s you and me. This whole time I’ve been focused on the optics and how much easier it will be for us to be a couple when I’m playing professional hockey and I’m not just a college kid.”
She props her elbow on the arm of the chair and settles her cheek on her knuckles. “You’ve never been just a college kid, Maverick. And my issues with the age gap between us are mine, not yours. And the optics of us shouldn’t be a reason for you to sign or not sign a contract.”
“I know you’re right. I’m also trying to be realistic, because some NHL careers are short, and having a backup plan is essential.”
“I agree on the backup plan, and your degree gives you the foundation you need for that. I think you need to see what you’re offered and take it from there. Talk it through with your dad. Be honest with him. Tell him how you’re feeling, and make your decision not based on what you’re afraid of, but on what’s going to make you happy.”
“I really love you. You know that, right?” I tell her.
“I do. And I love you back.” She runs her fingers through my hair. “And whatever you decide, I will stand beside you, and we’ll figure out how we move forward from there, okay?”
“Okay.” Even though everything else in my life seems uncertain, this thing between me and Clover doesn’t.
“What else do you need from me right now?”
“Nothing.” I take her face in my hands and kiss her softly. “Well, maybe one thing.”
She smiles against my lips. “Take me to bed then.”
* * *
On Thursday evening,I toss my hockey equipment and an overnight bag into the back of my truck. Before I leave, Clover and I have slow, needy sex. Well, I’m needy, and she’s accommodating.
“I’m going to head up to Pearl Bay on Saturday, probably in the evening,” she says as I put my shoes on. “That way I can be close, if you want to see me.”
“Okay. Why don’t I meet you at your cabin on Saturday night? Unless you want to come to my parents’ place? Or we could do brunch on Sunday?”
“That’s up to you. Maybe we play it by ear? I’ll head to the cabin, and you can message and let me know what you’d prefer. I’m ready to meet them, and the rest of the people who are important to you. We can’t be an us if we’re just a you and me.”
I kiss her again, but she stops before I can turn it into more. It’s already six. I’m going to be late getting to Lake Geneva as it is.
When I pull into the driveway, my dad greets me at the door and grabs me in a hug. I wish I felt half as excited as he looks. He helps me with my bags, and I follow him to the kitchen. “You hungry? I’ve got pizza in the oven and beers in the fridge.”
“Carb-and-cheese-a-thon since Mom’s in New York, huh?”
Mom took the Butterson twins and River and Josiah along for the trip. They planned to surprise Lavender, so she isn’t alone while Kody is here for contract talks. He’s already here, but I won’t see him until tomorrow.
“You know it. We can eat and then shoot the puck around?” He hands me a beer. “You’re almost there, Mav. The world is at your fingertips.”
I smile, but it feels a lot like all the things I want are slipping through them, or just out of reach.
Thirty-Seven
Choices and Confessions
Maverick
I’m skating over the ice, but it’s dark, and shadows move under my feet. I can’t keep my eye on the puck, and I can’t move fast enough. Everyone is skating circles around me. And there’s a sound—a scream, lots of screams.
The lights in the arena are too bright, too much. So I look back down at the ice, trying to find my focus again. That’s when I see the figures moving below the surface. Their fists pound against the ice under my feet, their screams muffled by the barrier.
I try to tell the other players, but I can’t speak, and now the ice under me is turning red, obscuring faces that are all too familiar—my sister, my mother, Clover. I drop to my knees and slam my fists into the solid surface, scrambling to find a way to get there before the shadows envelop them.
There’s a hand on my shoulder. Someone is trying to pull me back, but I struggle to stay where I am. Everything goes blurry, and the voice gets louder and louder in my head.
“Mav, Maverick! Son, wake up.”
