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He brakes when the light ahead turns yellow. When the truck is stopped, he extends his arm along the back of the seat, fingertips skimming the side of my neck. Despite the cold outside, his hand is warm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that to come out the way it did, and that was a shitty thing to say. I used to seeyouall the time on campus outside of class last semester, but back then, you were tryingnotto see me. I know this is hard for you—harder than it is for me because of the position you’re in. I also know why it has to be this way, and I accept that. But if it’s too much for you, tell me, and I’ll back off.”
He turns down Hackett Street. It hasn’t been plowed yet, at least not recently, so the snow is several inches deep, and since it’s windy, there are drifts along our side that are deeper closer to the sidewalk. He stops in front of my house and puts the truck in park.
“That’s not what I want at all,” I tell him. “It’s more that every time I see you, I’m reminded of how easy it was when we were at the cabin and we didn’t have to worry about anything but us.”
“I’ll understand if the risk is too great for you.”
“That’s not what I mean. It feels unfair to you. When it’s you and me, I can forget about the rest of the world. But outside of our bubble . . .” I take in his beautiful face and consider what the next few months will be like if we keep seeing each other. How much harder it will be to let him go when the end of the semester comes. It’ll be messy and painful, but I’m not ready to walk away now. “What’s going to happen when you’re in another state and I move to Pearl Bay?”
“We’ll figure it out then, I guess? I want to be with you, even if we’re confined to me sneaking over after dark and leaving before dawn. I’d rather have something than nothing. Even if it’s limited to the next few months, I’ll take it.” His eyes meet mine, imploring. “I’ll be more careful when I run into you on campus. No one will know but us.”
Right now, my heart is clearly in the driver’s seat. “Do you want to come inside?”
A relieved smile breaks across his face. “Of course I do. Let me drop my truck off at home. I’ll walk back over and deal with your driveway before I deal with you.”
My stomach flutters at the unspoken promise of what’s to come. “I’ll leave the sliding door unlocked.”
I reach for the door handle, but his warm hand curves around my neck. “Hold on a second.”
I turn back to him, and his mouth covers mine. I sink into the kiss, letting myself get lost in him for a minute before I pull away. “To be continued.”
He nods. “I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
Twenty-Nine
The Sweetest Secret
Maverick
Irarely sleep in my own bed in the weeks that follow. Most nights I wait until darkness falls and make the short trek to Clover’s house. It’s not hard to evade my siblings, or Kody and BJ, since we’re all focused on studies and extracurriculars.
I’ve gotten good at staying in the shadows when I reach her driveway, and until the weather warmed, we always kept the walkway clear so I didn’t leave footprints in the snow on the off chance her ex—who is less present lately but still holding Clover hostage with paperwork—should do a drive-by. The threat of an order of protection seems to have been enough for him to back off, but not enough to persuade him to sign the fucking paperwork and set her free.
We’ve made the trip to her cabin in Pearl Bay a couple of times. Other times, we’ll stay the night at a hotel in Richmond or Elgin and sometimes even Rockford, so we can get dressed up and go for nice dinners. When I’m wearing a suit and tie, polished dress shoes and clean-shaven, and Clover wears her hair down and leaves her glasses at home, the age difference doesn’t seem quite so glaring.
On nights like those, everything feels much more real. And it’s hard to return to Chicago and go back to hiding.
A couple weeks before the end of the semester, the hockey team is heading into playoffs. We’re currently in second place. The next game is home advantage, but it’s against the team in first place, and we’ve struggled to beat them this season. It doesn’t help that this is also Russo’s team, the guy who constantly needles me when we’re on the ice.
I have an early skate tomorrow morning, but it doesn’t stop me from going over to Clover’s once the sun has gone down. The days have started to get longer again, which means it’s been impossible to avoid dinners at home. It’s not a bad thing, though, because my presence in the house keeps my family from asking too many questions. It isn’t until everyone else disappears for the evening that I do too, and I’m always home first thing in the morning, before anyone else is up.
Besides, Lavender is busy with the play she’s making costumes for, and Kody is busy studying and spending time with my sister. BJ is finally putting some time in with his courses, so even he’s been scarce lately, and River spends most of his nights at Josiah’s.
Tonight, I escape the house without running into anyone in the kitchen. I walk the three blocks to Clover’s and slip inside the back door. I take off my shoes and carry them to the mat at the front door, so I don’t leave dirty shoe prints on the floor.
Clover’s already in the kitchen, making her famous pasta Bolognese. The blinds are always closed in there now, giving us the privacy we need.
“Hey, can you grab me the parmesan? It’s on the second shelf, right-hand side,” Clover asks, her back to me, an apron tied around her waist, hair pulled up in a ponytail.
“Yeah, for sure. Do you need anything else?” I find it exactly where she said it would be and come to where she’s standing in front of the stove, setting it on the counter next to her.
“That’s it for now. Thanks.”
I wrap an arm around her waist, kissing up the side of her neck. “How was your day?”
“It was okay.”
“Just okay?” The tightness in her voice sets me on edge. “Did something happen?”
