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“Yes, I picked the dress for you. It’s in my bedroom. Do you think you’re ready to face my family?” he asked, and I nodded with my mouth full.
“Yes, I am. I can become ruthless Russina for one evening, but the question is, will they listen to me?”
I felt confident that I could do this. I had learned everything there was to learn about the woman who’d been his wife.
“They will. Just tell them exactly what they want to hear, remembering all the points I mentioned before. Paint them a picture. Sparky has never said no to Russina. He wanted to fuck her badly from the moment I introduced them, but he would never make a move while I was around,” Sebastian explained.
“Lovely,” I said.
Silence reigned for a moment while he prepared his own plate. He came to sit near me and ate together.
“Imagine you have to deal with the sort of people like your mother.” He sighed.
“That shouldn’t be a problem. She bullied my brother a lot and I tried to protect him from her.” I thought about Nicolas. My mother couldn’t stand the fact he was sensitive and kind. If it wasn’t for her, he would still be alive.
Sebastian’s gaze shifted from my eyes to my lips as we ate. The risotto was rich, creamy and delicious, but I couldn’t take my eyes off his abs. I kept shifting on the chair.
“Do you want to tell me more about him?” he asked.
Tears stung my eyes as I thought about my little brother.
“He was sensitive, creative, and just an amazing person. He cared about me and our family. He was my person,” I said, remembering all the great times we had together. “But he could never stand up to our mother. We both knew she would never accept his sexuality. She was so stuck up, always worried more about other people’s opinion than her own family.”
“I’m surprised your father let her get away with it. He was probably forced to marry your mother and didn’t really care what she did beyond certain pre-set rules. Most mafia families go through this sort of thing,” Sebastian said after a moment, staring out the window.
Sebastian confirmed what I’d suspected for a while that many mafia families were bound together by marriages of convenience. I wouldn’t be surprised if he were right in my family’s case. After all these years, I realized they never truly loved each other.
Only a few weeks ago, I’d seen Sebastian as this cold and calculating man who didn’t care about anyone other than himself. Now, I was seeing another side of him—sensitive and compassionate. He’d been there all along; he just had to show me his true self. I felt like I was living a dream and one day I’d wake up to find none of it was real.
“Now that I’m thinking about it, you’re probably right,” I said.
“That’s what normally happens in this sort of world. Your mother’s family needed connections and your father was a bachelor,” he explained.
“Maybe that’s why she is the way she has always been. Well, there was never any sort of affection between them,” I admitted. Their interactions were always limited. They remained civil with each other, but this was also probably the reason why he liked traveling so much, so he wouldn’t have to deal with her.
I didn’t know what I would have done in her position. Even in my situation, which wasn’t exactly similar, I was still learning as I went. Yes, her life was difficult, but she didn’t have to be so bitter. She had two children and all we needed was love. It wasn’t our fault she was stuck in the marriage.
“So your mother turned your brother’s life into a living hell and then he decided to end it all?” he asked, throwing me back to reality.
“He tried to talk to her about the fact he was gay a few times, but she always dismissed it like she didn’t believed him. He was really down about that. He started dating someone in college. When my mother saw them one day, she went crazy. She made a scene and Nick didn’t take it well. I should have been there. I should have protected him better,” I said, hiding my face in my hands.
“It wasn’t you fault. Your mother has always been weak, so there is no point in blaming yourself.” He reached out and took my hand, bringing it to his lips. His eyes were so kind then, so understanding. I didn’t see a trace of pity, and for that I was grateful.
“I should have been with him that day, but I think it wasn’t just that one time that led him to do it. There were other instances. My mother just kept pushing him to date women. She started arranging afternoon teas with her friends and their daughters. This was horrible, so about three weeks later, I came home early. I was going to grab a few things. The house was awfully quiet, filled with an unnatural silence that made me want to crawl out of there instantly. I knew straight away that something bad had happened.” I shut my eyes momentarily, blinking back tears. I didn’t even know why I was telling him this right now, but it felt natural. It felt right … and it seemed he wanted to listen.
The thing was, I’d never shared my story with anyone. My mother insisted I needed to see a therapist but, in the end, I have did. I thought I could deal with it all by myself.
“And then he was there, in the bathtub. That image of him just lying there still haunts me to this day. The water was red and he was so, so cold and unmoving. He’d slit his wrists. This was always going to be the worst day in my life,” I murmured, feeling like I needed to stab myself again. Hurt myself—the only thing that helped. I didn’t want to keep doing it, but the relief I felt at drawing blood eased the torture I was going through.
“This wasn’t your fucking fault, Marinka. Hey, look at me,” he ordered.
I forced myself to meet his dark gaze. He touched my cheek, wiping away the tears.
“But if I had been—”
“Just stop it. You couldn’t have prevented it. This wasn’t your fault. It was your mother’s doing. I wish I fucking killed her in that yacht. She didn’t deserve to live and your papa, too, for not stepping up to the plate and being a man. Fuck,” he said, angry not at me butforme. “Come on,” he added after a while. “That’s enough of this. You need to take your mind off these shitty thoughts, baby. It’s going to be okay. Go and get yourself ready.”
I was amazed at how fast Sebastian was able to switch, distracting me from my own dark thoughts, pushing away all the pain.
