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A strange, haunted look crossed over her face. He had a feeling she was thinking about another time. Another man.
And that is why you don’t want to get involved.
“Yeah. You like... Grilling?”
“Obviously I don’t,” she said.
Dammit. He had been trying to ask an innocuous question, and he’d gone and stepped right into it.
“Yeah. No. I mean...”
“Yes. My husband used to grill.”
He was still here, that guy, even though he wasn’t here. Kit knew how that worked. He felt bad that he’d missed a connection here, with her. That he hadn’t been more careful.
“Right. Sorry.”
“You don’t have to saysorry. It’s... I mean, it’s not as painful now. I just think about it all the time. You know, because you realize how absurd it is you can’t turn and say something to someone who used to always be there. But they’ll never be there again. It’s ridiculous. So how can you... Not think about it?”
“Yeah. I know.”
She nodded gravely. And he had a feeling she really did know that he knew. So that was good. He didn’t have to explain it. He was not looking to have a heart-to-heart with her. Nothing that was personal. He wasn’t looking to have a heart-to-heart with anybody.
“Grill’s back here,” he said, pushing open the double doors that led out to the grand outdoor kitchen area. It was a lot spiffier out there than it was inside.
“Wow,” she said, looking up. It made him look up too. The stars above were a brilliant blanket of diamonds, and he really figured he didn’t take enough time to appreciate that sort of thing. But he just didn’t think much about it. Miracles and wonders and all that kind of stuff had been rendered pretty moot for him back when Sophie had died.
He had hoped.
That was the thing. Because he thought that the good guy won. And there was nobody better than his beautiful, tough little sister. And then it was like the safety net in everything had been pulled away. It hadn’t made them afraid. Because Sophie hadn’t done anything risky to get sick. He’d figured if death was out there... Well, then it would come for you when it felt like it. That was actually worse than becoming a shut-in or an agoraphobe. Just believing that no matter what, it might get you. So you might as well do whatever. He’d been hell on his parents during his teenage years.
And it had been hell on his soul.
Because it just... Everything felt tenuous. All the time.
But the stars were still there. He wasn’t sure how many years it had been since he’d thought to look up at them before Shelby had just prompted him to.
It was a hell of a thing.
“I can see why they chose to get married up here. There’s so little light pollution. I mean, I’m about to pollute it all with my flame in my grilling. But you know.”
“The cost of progress,” she said.
“True.”
He put the steak on the hot grill, and watched as the flame rose up.
“Is there a salad or anything?”
“Of course. And baked potatoes. I did them before I came up. I’m not an animal.”
“Well, that’s kind of a revelation.”
“There’s one baked potato. We’re going to have to split it.”
“You brought up two steaks?”
“I don’t take chances with steak,” he said.
