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It was a stark contrast to the bachelor den the guys were staying in. It was white and delicate, with a wraparound porch and lace curtains.
The kitchen was all done up in a cheerful yellow, and it made Shelby imagine what it would be like if she lived in a different house. If her view changed. Or her life changed.
There was nothing holding her here. Not really. There was nothing holding her in place except herself. She could just start over. She could do whatever she wanted. She was still living like Chuck was in her life, but without any of the benefits. She had taken everything but grief from herself.
And it was just so... Starkly clear when she began to imagine what life might look like. She tried to take a breath, but it was hard. Her lungs felt too small. Or maybe it was her that was too small.
Her life.
And Kit Carson was large in the feminine space, and he seemed to fill up everything. Everything around her. Everything she was.
“I’m going to check the mudroom for the fuse box.” He slid past her in the kitchen, and her breath caught when his warmth and scent tangled around her.
She didn’t take a full breath again until he was out of the room. And then suddenly, all the lights came on. “There,” he said, coming in. “That was easy. Just had to find the one that was tripped.”
“You probably could’ve done that last night,” she said.
“Yeah. I could have. But then you wouldn’t have been able to have steak with me.”
She felt herself smiling, felt her cheeks getting warm. Was he flirting with her? She wouldn’t even know what to do with that. She never flirted. Not in her life.
Guilt hooked around her insides.
Because he was a forbidden object. She had made him a forbidden object all those years.
It was why she was so antagonistic to him usually.
Because what was wrong with her? She had the most wonderful man. He was everything. He gave her everything.
But Kit had always felt like sex and danger, and she hadn’t trusted him.
Hadn’t trusted him to care that she was married if they encountered each other in a bar.
And her deepest fear, her deepest unspoken fear, was that if he had ever drawn near to her... She would forget what mattered. She would forget that she had everything with the man at home. And throw it all out for this one burning, bright thing.
You wouldn’t, though. Because you didn’t. You never did. You never let him get close enough, it never happened. And it still hasn’t. Not even after Chuck died.
So there. Her resistance of him, even now, was evidence of her purity. Of the fact that she wouldn’t have done it. And it made her feel exponential relief. So there was that.
He might not be forbidden anymore, but her ability to resist him proved something. Something that mattered to her. Something valuable.
“I was going to go over to the barn today and start getting the favors in place and things like that.” She looked down the hall toward where she had stashed all the baskets of things.
“I’m happy to help with that,” he said.
“You don’t have to.”
“Yeah. I know. But you know what they say, many hands make light work and all of that.”
And she really might as well say yes. Because truth be told, she enjoyed his company, and all of her issues that were swirling around inside her were her issues. So that was that. She didn’t need to treat him like he was an enemy. Like she was afraid of him.
In fact... Why not be around him? Why not... Keep testing it?
“Great. I figured I would save some of the bachelorette party stuff, in part because I don’t really want to live amongst the decorations.”
“What?” he asked. “It’s not your chosen decor motif?”
“I cannot say that it is. But, my house is more functional than decorative.”
