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The notion of a close death encounter made her feel more alive than ever. She listened to the birds, to the sound of footsteps, and to the casual conversation that seemed to take place between Sarah and Joseph. But they were not laughing. Not like they did when Bridget herself participated in the conversation.
“… don’t you think, Bridget?” Joseph inquired of something she did not pay attention to. “Lost in thought?”
“Yes,” she admitted. “Just thinking about what happened. I can’t get it out of my mind.”
“It was an accident,” Joseph explained. The concern was gone from his voice. She wasn’t sure whether to welcome its absence or to wish for it back. “It could happen to anyone.”
“But it mostly happens to people like me.” She could not tell why she refrained from using the right term. Blind. She wanted to be completely honest with him, and at the same time, she did not, for she cared about his opinion, especially his opinion regarding her.
“What is it like?”
His question was so sudden and unexpected that her jaw dropped, and she did not even try to hide it. “I… I um…” she stuttered, completely unprepared for the question. But at the same time, there was no mocking, no judgment, no pity, and no ill will in his question— just mere curiosity and a desire to know. She could never fault someone for wanting to know something.
“I apologize…” he quickly added. “I’m completely insensitive sometimes. I suppose you should have noted that the first night we met.”
“I would much prefer you to ask me directly than to assume something you know nothing about and draw an erroneous conclusion,” she said honestly. His question, though shocking, came from what appeared to be a child’s innocence. She could never hold it against him.
Bridget felt the warmth of her sister’s hand guiding her elbow, and she patted the hand with her own. Then she continued.
“Is there anything you do not have, that you used to?” she asked him.
“Can it be anything?” he wondered. “Or anyone?”
“Yes.”
“I had a dog when I was a child,” he spoke with a strange melancholy in his voice, a tone she had never heard him use before. “He protected me with such ferocity from anyone who wished to do me harm. He slept in my bed. He followed me everywhere. Then, he got sick, and… he died. I felt like I did not lose only a dog, a pet, but a friend, a confidant, and a protector.”
She stopped mid-step then turned to him. A single tear sparkled in the corner of her eye. “Then you already know how it feels.”
The moment was heavy, laden with emotion. Bridget felt like this was the perfect moment for a hug, to let him know that it did get better eventually because time truly was the healer of all wounds. She was living proof of that. It would heal, but the scar would remain. And it was the scar one had to learn to live with, a constant reminder of what happened.
Slowly, they continued in silence because everything that needed to be said had already been said, and Bridget knew that she would never feel closer to a man than she was feeling now. What a wonderful feeling that was, and at the same time, what a heartbreaking notion that she would never have him.
Chapter 10
Several days had passed since her mishap in front of Hyde Park, but it seemed the more time elapsed, the less Bridget thought about it. Instead, her mind kept focusing on the hero of the hour who saved her from grievous injury and perhaps even something far worse. At first saddened by the event, slowly she was starting to change her mind, realizing that perhaps it was the much-needed sign she had been unconsciously waiting for, the confirmation of her deepest, most secretive feelings and the permission to allow them to blossom.
It was a chatty carriage ride to Sculthorpe Estate with her entire family thrilled to attend one of the Dowager Duchess’ famous dinner parties which were always the talk of the town.
“… and Bridget,” her mother addressed her once the casual part of the conversation had finished, “you shall be seated next to Sarah with me on the other side. After what happened at Hyde Park, I dare not let you out of sight.”
Bridget frowned. “It could have happened to anyone.” Only once she said it, did she realize that she had echoed Joseph’s exact same sentiment. This time, she believed it even more than before.
“Well, let us be sure of it not happening again to any of us, shall we?” her mother announced in a voice that would allow for no disagreement.
With her mother and her sister on both her sides, she doubted she would be able to find Joseph, even less have a conversation with him, something she had been anticipating.
The Dowager Duchess welcomed them with open arms, and Bridget wondered if her dress was suited to the occasion. She did not wish to ask Sarah what other ladies were wearing although she was curious to know, especially what the hostess herself was wearing.
“You look stunning,” Joseph’s voice cut through her doubts like the sun piercing through the grey clouds, fighting rain and bringing forth a rainbow instead. She allowed him to kiss her hand, almost expecting him to as she hung out her hand in front of her. His touch was light, but she felt it as the flower felt the soft summer rain, desired and welcome. “You both do,” he added as he greeted her sister as well.
She allowed herself to be led to the dining room where she could already hear the clatter and chatter of the other guests. Sarah helped her get seated as she whispered the names of the guests, most of whom Bridget did not recognize or even find familiar, then took her own seat by Bridget’s side. Her mother quickly did the same. With both of them by her sides, Bridget felt protected but, at the same time, closed up somehow. She remained quiet in an effort to hear Joseph’s voice. At first, she could not pinpoint it in the general clatter of other voices who seemed to be in a competition for the loudest person in the room.
The gentle clink of a glass being placed down to her right reached her ear then the sound of liquid being poured.
“Thank you,” she nodded softly to the servant she could not see. Then, she heard the same drink being served to her mother. There were so many different sounds and smells, yet the ones she wanted to hear and smell had disappeared as suddenly as they had appeared in her life.
“The Lord and Lady Higginbotham are also in attendance,” Sarah leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear. “She is wearing a tiara which is hardly suited to a woman of her age.”
