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“What do you mean?” Sarah asked apprehensively. “Tell me what has you so distressed, please. I am out of my wits here.”
“Promise me you will not think any different of me.” Bridget spoke with a trembling voice.
Immediately, she felt her sister’s arms around her, like a protective shroud, and she knew that as long as she had Sarah by her side, she would be safe and loved.
“Never,” Sarah assured her. “There is nothing you can do to make me think any differently of you.”
Bridget swallowed heavily. “On the evening of the dinner party we attended, I… I did not go to the restroom.” She paused, still unwilling to confront the possibility of saying this secret out loud. But the depth of emotions she felt for him was too strong, too overpowering, and in order to start forgetting him, she needed to share this with Sarah. “I was with him.”
“With the Duke?”
“Yes…” she spoke softly then added underneath her breath. “Alone.”
“Bridget…” Her name echoed on her sister’s lips, but no scorn followed, no judgment. Only love and understanding. “What happened?”
“We just kissed,” Bridget admitted. “I… I allowed it.” She waited for Sarah to speak, but there was no response, so she continued. “And on the day of our outing to Hampton Court, he also found me in the maze. We kissed again. Nothing else happened.”
Nothing except for a complete surrender of her heart to him. Only that.
“Is it a dreadful thing I’ve done?” Bridget asked with a trembling lip.
“No, of course not,” Sarah assured her tenderly, her voice a safe harbor for a ship that had just survived a storm in the open sea. “You are in love with him, Bridget. Anyone could see that.”
“Oh, goodness…” Bridget hid her face with her free hand. “The humiliation…”
“Honestly, from the way he looks at you, I would be willing to wager that he is in love with you, too.”
“Judging from the events of the past several days, I fear I am alone in my feelings.”
“That cannot be so,” Sarah assured her. “You’ve heard him. He has business to attend to.”
Bridget frowned. “You always make time for the people you care about, no matter how busy you are.”
Sarah did not say anything to this. After all, there was nothing to say. The message was clear. Her sister’s silence was the confirmation of her fears. Joseph was simply unwilling to make time in his life for her. She did not amuse him any longer or whatever other sensation she awakened inside of him. The burning agony of pain and jealousy that some other woman might take her place filled her.
“Do not be so hasty to judge, dear Bridget,” Sarah tried one more time. “Men are enigmatic creatures. It takes time and effort to understand them. Especially a man like Lord Joseph Turner.”
Joseph was indeed a special man. That revelation did not quell the miserable feeling inside of her that the kiss meant nothing to him. Otherwise, why would he not call upon her or wish to spend more time with her?
“Everyone knows that his father was an unkind man,” Sarah continued. “That is no secret. Perhaps he himself does not know how to handle his own emotions because the role model that was supposed to instill good life habits in him was inadequate. After all, aren’t we all filled with uncertainties and doubts?”
Her words rang inside Bridget’s mind with a fervent echo. Ever since she became blind, she had been marred by uncertainties and doubts. She always believed herself to be capable of anything. She believed her life would have a happy ending, but following that accident which resulted in the loss of her eyesight, everything changed. The joyful, confident young woman that Bridget had always been was gone. In her place, a different Bridget emerged, a confident Bridget but one who knew where her strengths and where her weaknesses lay. And it was exactly those weaknesses which stole her happily ever after from her.
“Yes,” Bridget finally nodded. Her sister was right. Perhaps Joseph was truly battling himself, and all she did was make it more difficult for him.
“Do not worry,” Sarah said tenderly. “We are to attend a ball in three days. Pay close attention to how he is behaving with you. Listen to his words, the way he speaks. You can hear things in a person’s voice the rest of us cannot, no matter how much that someone is trying to hide their true intentions.”
That was also true. What she needed to do was stop her restless mind from working against her. As always, she was overthinking things. She needed to be patient and wait for that ball. She had an odd feeling that something momentous would happen if only she was patient enough.
Chapter 20
“Iam so nervous,” Bridget mumbled to her sister once she was assured that they were standing away from all the other attendees of the ball. Her own body felt too heavy for her feet, and a constant light-headedness followed her wherever she turned. “I think I am even more nervous than I was during my first ball.”
The music was already blossoming all around her, echoing against the walls only to return to her in a magnificent manner, radiating warmth of all of the musical instruments working together to create harmony. Music had been Bridget’s solace ever since she had been plunged into the world of darkness, and she welcomed these little blessings that came in the guise of the waltz or the cotillion.
“You needn’t be worried,” Sarah assured her, squeezing her hand. How much warmth and love could be gathered in a single touch of the hand? Bridget knew well. “Believe me, you look ravishing. Everyone is staring at you.”
Bridget knew that her sister mentioned that in order to make her feel better, but it actually did the opposite. The last thing Bridget wished for was to be in the center of attention. She wished to hide away from all the curious onlookers apart from Joseph. His eyes were the only ones she wanted on herself.
