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He turned to his mother, and she took him by the hands. “Please, do not take this the wrong way, but it pains me to see you like this, without a wife by your side.”
“You know of my decision regarding marriage, Mother,” he reminded her softly.
That conversation was the most difficult one Joseph had ever had. Telling his mother, who had done everything for her family and had almost died during her second childbirth solely because her husband demanded another son, meant breaking her heart. She would never have a daughter in law. She would never have a grandchild. The title would be inherited by his uncle or his nephew. As for Joseph, he would be able to live his life as a bachelor with more than enough women who tickled his fancy to satisfy his carnal needs.
Those were all things he had told his mother once before. She was incredulous at hearing them at first. She believed he would change his mind. But years passed by, and he didn’t. If nothing, he hated his father with even more fervor, and his promise grew even thicker roots.
Lord Joseph Turner would never marry. Even the birds of Hyde Park knew this much.
“But Lady Sarah Beaumont is such a lovely young lady,” she urged, pleading almost. “If only you could give her a chance, she might make you truly happy, but you refuse to even consider the possibility.”
“I am accompanying you there, aren’t I?” he pointed out. “I could have refused you.” His voice was stern, aggressive. He yanked his hands away from his mother’s. The fact that he sounded a little too much like his father terrified him. “I know you only mean well. You’ve never done anything other than that. But… I can’t go against what I feel.”
“I… I understand, darling,” she smiled. It was a weak smile, but it was an effort, nonetheless. “And I appreciate that you are accompanying me this time. I truly do.”
He smiled back although he felt horrible. He had no idea where this newfound desire to see Bridget was coming from, but he knew that ever since that ball, he could not stop thinking about her. She mesmerized him in a way no other woman ever could; they simply did not possess such eyes, such poise, such dignity and such manner of speech. Lady Bridget Beaumont was in a class all her own. Only, she did not seem to realize that.
“I just want you to be happy,” his mother suddenly added, just when he thought the conversation was over. “I want both you and your sister to be happy, for if you lead a miserable life, that means I have failed as a mother, as a wife, and as a woman.”
“You didnotfail,” he said, grabbing her hands and placing a kiss on each of them. She was trembling, just like Bridget was when he was leading her to the ballroom floor for her first dance.
How similar these two women were, how filled with love and devotion to the ones they held close to their hearts. He could see how Bridget spoke of her siblings with such reverence and love, but both these women carried a dep burden inside of them which sometimes rendered them helpless Only, Bridget’s was noticeable. It was out there for all the people to see. His mother’s was a burden of the soul, of the heart, and invisible to those she did not consider close.
“It is Father who has failed us both,” Joseph reminded her.
She shook her head. “It is not healthy to bear so much hatred in your heart, my dear.”
“I welcomed his death,” he admitted. He had thought this many times before though never aloud, like this.
“No,” she said, as she caressed my cheek. “Death is never welcome. Your father was… a strange man.”
“A cruel man,” Joseph correct her. “He deserved a far worse fate than the one he was dealt with.”
Joseph still remembered the tragic fall off a horse. His father was hunting, and his mount got spooked by the sudden appearance of a deer before them. When the horse jumped to the side and bolted, the former Duke if Sculthorpe flew off the animal, hitting his head on a rock. For days after the accident, Joseph’s mother tended to her husband, praying for his recovery. Joseph could not understand why. The man deserved no such thing. He deserved no tenderness from those he treated like servants.
When his father died, Joseph felt relieved, but his mother did not. Even then, her kind and gentle nature reminded him that every life mattered.
His mother smiled a little awkwardly bringing him back to the present moment. She lifting her hand quickly to wipe what seemed to be a single stray tear in the corner of her right eye. A moment later, she was composed again, the dignified Dowager Duchess.
“Shall we?” she inquired. “The carriage has been waiting long enough.”
Chapter 6
Bridget and Sarah were both out in the garden when the guests arrived. Bridget could hear them. When they approached, she could smell the Dowager Duchess’ perfume which bore the semblance of flowers from the bitter orange tree. She had smelled it once before at the ball where she had first met Joseph and his mother.
When Joseph approached her, he greeted her cordially though not overly warmly. For a moment, she did not know whether to offer him her hand or not. She chose to keep it close to her body, merely nodding in the direction where his voice was coming from. Suddenly, she felt aware of every single part of her body. It prickled, it tingled, and it itched. The sensation was more than curious— it was almost as if she wished she had given him her hand for that kiss. A part of her longed to touch him. Needless to say, she could never reach out to him physically in any way. Whatever would the others think?
“Why don’t we all sit down?” her mother announced loudly. “I shall have tea brought immediately.”
Bridget was grateful for the distraction. Even her body had regained a part of its senses and started to act normally once again without that odd tingling sensation.
“Your garden is absolutely magnificent,” the Dowager Duchess gushed.
“We have Bridget to thank for that,” her father explained proudly.
“Bridget?” The shock in the Dowager Duchess’ voice was unmistakable.
“Yes, Your Grace,” Bridget replied, taking over the conversation. “Gregory, our gardener, and I have been working together on it.”
