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Her head snapped up at him. “Of course not!” she told him, rising up to her feet. “Lord Chaneyforcedhimself on me. I…I’ve wanted you to kiss me again ever since that day at the salon.”
The admission seemed to wrench her soul from her body as she looked at him with pleading eyes. “Your Grace, you are thefarthestthing from Lord Chaney!”
“No, no, no,” he said, shaking his head. “Can’t you see, Emily? Can’t you see how Iburnfor you?”
“As do I!”
“But you shouldn’t!” he groaned, raking his hand through his dark hair. He started pacing before her, his eyes wild and tormented. “We should stop seeing each other. Wait until this madness passes. I cannot risk ruining you.”
“Why…?” she asked him, tears spilling over her eyes. “Why don’t you want me?”
“Because,” he told her in a hoarse voice. “I do notdeserveyou, Emily. I will only hurt you, and I cannot live with that.”
“Then, do not hurt me!” she told him softly, walking towards him, her hands reaching for him once more. “Your Grace…Daniel…”
He stepped back from her, and the pain blossomed fiercely within her as he distanced himself.
“You do not know what you are asking for, Emily,” he told her. “It is in my nature. It is inevitable.”
Her hands fell back weakly to her side. “And what makes you think another man would not hurt me? What makes you think that they would treat me as carefully as you do?”
He shook his head. “A better man would. Someone who is nobler than I, at least. But…not me, Emily. Dear God, I would only hurt you. Can’t you see that?”
“No, I do not,” she said. “It seems we are at an impasse, Your Grace.”
She straightened her spine and averted her eyes from him. She could not look at him, not when the very sight of him brought so much pain to her.
She fixed her skirts and did her best to button up the back of her dress. “I should be heading back to the ballroom. They will be looking for me.”
“That…that would be wise,” he choked out.
She gave him a pointed look. “Well, will you at least help me with my buttons?”
Her piqued tone and defeated look seemed to snap him out of his sorry state, and he moved to help her with her buttons. Emily closed her eyes as she felt his trembling fingers on her back, so very different from the masterful expertise he exhibited earlier when he deftly plucked at the buttons.
After he was done, she turned around and touched her hair. “Is my hair all right?” she asked him emotionlessly.
After the fierce kisses they shared, no doubt she looked like a right mess. They would take one look at her and conclude that something was amiss. Gossip caught like wildfire in the Ton, and the faintest whiff of scandal could spell her ruination.
“You…you look perfect,” he told her. “Let me just help you.”
She stepped back and looked at him pointedly. “I would rather do it myself, thank you very much.”
He shrank back as if she had hurt him, and Emily wanted to laugh at how they foolishly conducted themselves. She would have if her heart was not breaking to pieces in her own chest.
She tried her best to fix her hair but, in the end, she decided that without a mirror, there was nothing more to be done with it. She glanced at her feet and nearly wept when she saw that the hems of her lovely dress were stained with mud and bits of grass.
My first beautiful dress, and it’s ruined, she lamented, but that was the least of her worries.
“You should go first,” His Grace told her. “There might be some who have noticed our absence together, but they will not be readily inclined to believe that we have engaged in something scandalous.”
“Thank you for reminding me that I am considered an ill match for you,” she replied primly, raising her chin haughtily. “Well, I bid you a good night, Your Grace. I shall take my leave first.”
He nodded wordlessly as she stepped past him, trying to maintain as calm a façade as she could even though her knees were buckling underneath her skirts.
How she eventually made her way back to the ballroom, Emily had no idea.
The minute she stepped back inside, the bright lights of the chandelier fairly blinded her, and she had to squint a little as she looked for Benedict or her father.
