AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“You have such a lovely home,” she said, trying to steer her thoughts in a different direction. “You should not let it become a ruin.”
He shrugged again as he swallowed another mouthful while Amelia herself did not have a single bite. “My mother was the one who cared about such things. As you probably know, the house burned down, and my parents burned down with it. You can probably understand my reluctance to change anything about it.”
This time, she could sense his defense mechanism appearing. He was pushing her away because she had dared to touch something that wasn’t hers to touch, something that was far too intimate to even be discussed on her first night here. Amelia felt that somehow without the slightest intention of doing so, she had crossed some invisible line.
“I don’t have to change anything,” she said, feeling lost and completely losing her appetite by this point.
“No,” he said, dabbing the corner of his mouth with his napkin. “I understand what you wish to do. You want to make this house pretty. That is perfectly fine. Make it pretty. But just because something is pretty, it doesn’t make it more warm, more welcoming, and more of a home.”
He turned around and pulled the rope. Somewhere in the distance, a bell rang, and instantly, several servants rushed in, changing the plates, removing the ones that were already on the table and setting up new ones, filled with different kinds of foods. This time, everything was done in silence. They continued eating in silence as well. Amelia felt that the little closeness they could have had on this particular evening was gone. A part of her felt saddened about it. Even guilty.
She managed to have a few bites but refused dessert. “I think I shall retire to my chamber,” she announced once he was done with his food. She stood up, and he immediately mirrored her action.
“I can walk you to your chamber,” he suggested politely.
“No,” she shook her head. She wanted to be alone, and when she was with him, that solitude felt too overwhelming. “I have to learn to find my way around here anyway.” She tried to come up with a small monologue in her head, but no words came, at least not the ones she felt would have been right for the occasion. “Thank you for… all this,” she said, gesturing at the food still on the table. “Everything was truly delicious.”
“You should thank Mrs. Collins,” he corrected her.
“I shall make sure to do so tomorrow then,” she smiled.
She wanted to apologize again for everything, for her forgetfulness, and for wanting to change everything he was used to on her first night here. It must have been too much for him, just like it was all too much for her as well. They needed some time to adjust to the new situation, to adjust to each other. Things would be better soon. She was hopeful. As long as they followed the rules and kept mostly to each other, spending as little time together as possible.
“Good night,” she told him. He said the same words back, and she felt like this was the perfect cue to leave.
She walked through the door, down the corridor, up the stairs, rushing but not running. When she finally closed the door to her chamber, she leaned against it as if half-expecting to have someone try to barge in through the door. It was not a feeling of being unsafe or in danger. She merely wished to be alone.
Only, she wished there was a way in which she could be alone and free from her own mind as well because no matter how hard she tried to banish Arthur Pike from her mind, he kept returning, his visage more and more prominent. It was like her mind refused to let go of his image, no matter how much she wanted it to.
She changed into her nightgown, remembering that he had seen her like that. It was highly inappropriate, then again, they were a husband and wife, were they not? Perhaps there would be a time when an emergency in the night might bring them together and…
And what? She thought to herself. What might happen then? They would rush outside together, wearing inappropriate clothes? The thought made her chuckle out loud. This was the kind of thing she would have shared with Jane if they were together right now. Jane would surely find it as amusing as she did.
She got in bed and hid herself under the covers. She closed her eyes, but sleep would not grace her with its presence even though she was exhausted from the whole day. Still, she kept her eyes closed, hoping that tomorrow would be a better day.
CHAPTER8
He was unnecessarily rude. He became aware of that the moment he said those words, but he could not very well take them back. She referred to his home as borderline dilapidated. That was rude of her… wasn’t it?
That night, when he retired to his bedchamber, he could not get that conversation out of his mind. She wanted to change his home. She hadn’t been there for more than a minute, and yet, she wished to mend everything when he himself saw no need for it. Things were just fine the way they were.
He looked around his darkened bedchamber. The only light was the small flicker of the candle on the bedside table. No matter how hard he tried, he could not turn a blind eye to the cracks on the ceiling, the lines that went all along the southern wall down to the floorboards. He sighed.
The truth was that Arthur was afraid of change. It was something he dared not admit even to himself, but whether he admitted it or not, it did not make it any less true. For him, change always brought forth negative consequences. Something crucial, something precious would always be taken from him, and nothing would be left in return, except for pain and misery. That was how he felt after the fire that took the lives of both his parents. He was left alone in pain with a gaping hole in his heart which he was certain nothing would ever be able to fill.
Slowly, over the course of time, he started to find solace in the memories which this house was full of. Every room could have triggered a happy, joyful memory, even in the almost dilapidated state it was in. Changing anything felt like opening up a wound, scraping off the scab, and allowing the wound to bleed once again, hurting just like before.
He sat down on the bed, lost in deep thought. Something assured him that Amelia had no intention of destroying the memories he had of his parents in this house. In fact, he was certain that if his mother were alive to see the state the house was in, she would be shocked to her very core. Needless to say, she herself would start renovating and redecorating.
When he closed his eyes, all he could see was the sweet, loving face of his mother, telling him it would be all right. That was also how he woke up the following morning. He knew what he had to do.
He got dressed quickly and rushed downstairs to the dining room, hoping to find Amelia there, but the dining table was devoid of anyone’s presence. There was food served on the table, waiting for him, but her plate was empty save for a few leftover crumbs. He lifted his gaze, allowing it to traverse the room, finding Mrs. Collins in the doorway on her way.
“Good morning, Your Grace,” she greeted him cordially. “Will you be having breakfast now?”
“I see that Lady Amelia has already finished with hers,” he said, glancing at the table. He could not hide the disappointment in his voice. He was in fact hoping to have a casual conversation with her during breakfast and then divert it towards the topic of their last night’s discussion. Now, it seemed that he would not have the chance to do it so inconspicuously as he was hoping.
“Yes,” Mrs. Collins nodded, sounding a bit confused, almost as if she believed that he expected her to keep Lady Amelia seated until he arrived. This, of course, was not the case. He was in perfect concordance with what Lady Amelia had stated earlier. They could simply lead separate lives while pretending to be a devoted husband and wife. It wasn’t how he imagined it to be, but there was little he could do to change it.
