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He gazed into the distance where she was pointing, but he had to admit he could not see much, apart from lush greenery and something gray behind. Was that what she was referring to?
“Why don’t you show me?” he suggested.
All logic urged him to reconsider this. It was far safer to hide away in a dusty office and focus on old documents than to be out together in the sun with her leading him. Being in the sun was dangerous. In fact, just being in her presence like this was dangerous. But he could not help himself. He was drawn to her more than he ever was before, and the more he assured himself that he should keep his distance from her, the more she beckoned him with her smile, with the softness of her voice, and with her ethereal beauty.
She leaned against his hand, and together, they started to walk in the direction where she initially pointed. At first, it was a silent walk. He enjoyed it, nonetheless. Although the air around them was fragrant with the smell of grapes and grass, and he could still smell her perfume which caressed his nostrils. They walked slowly, their footsteps in rhythm with each other. He wondered if she expected him to speak first. He realized that he had no idea what to expect when he was with her. She managed to surprise him in so many ways, and he could sense that there were more surprises waiting along the way.
“You know,” she suddenly started, her voice sounding casual as if they had just finished one topic and she was merely moving onto the next one, “Jane reminded me of Lord and Lady Atterley’s upcoming ball.”
He instantly frowned. This was something that they were yet to discuss. Arthur had stopped attending balls altogether after his fiancé left him to deal with the aftermath of the fire on his own. Not only that, but he was certain that she was the source of many of those horrible rumors that were circlingthe ton.But he managed to remove himself from all that and to reach a point in life where he was not affected by it any longer. He had nothing to prove to anyone, and he liked it that way.
“You are welcome to attend with your family,” he informed her cordially, wondering if it was his consent she was after. It took him only a moment to remember that Amelia wasn’t the kind of a woman who would ask for consent from anyone, least of all him, so he could scratch that theory.
“I know,” she said, not turning to look at him. “But… I was actually wondering about something else.”
“What?” he asked, slightly alarmed. Perhaps she wished them to organize a ball of their own? He dreaded the thought, but she was a young lady who was respected in society. Wasn’t it only natural of her to wish to throw a ball? Refusing her would be wrong of him, but he truly did not wish to have those dreadful people who spread lies about him behind his back in his own home.
“Would you accompany Jane and I there?” she asked, and he wouldn’t have been more astonished even if she told him that she saw a fish with wings in the sky. Her desire was as unexpected as it was strange.
“Me?” he asked, feeling like his mind had broken down.
“Yes, you,” she chuckled, obviously amused by his shock. This time, she turned to him, and her smile was radiant. “Father always loses himself among the guests, leaving Jane and I alone. I have to say that we’ve managed well, but I know that Jane wishes to find suitor, and I somehow think that having a male opinion on the matter might be of benefit.”
He frowned. “You wantmyopinion?”
This time, she wasn’t amused. She wasn’t smiling any longer. She was subconsciously pulling away from him after she had opened up so much with her invitation.
“I understand that you are a busy man,” she continued immediately, and he could see that fire in her eyes slowly being extinguished. “If you don’t have the time, I shan’t –”
“No, no,” he interrupted her quickly while there was still that flicker left. He wanted it back. He wanted that radiant smile back. “I am not busy. I would be glad to join you and Jane.”
She hesitated for a moment as if suspicious that he might change his mind then she smiled. “All right, then.”
“Yes,” he added for more confirmation as they kept on walking, faces turned away from each other but still stealing an occasional glance with the corner of their eyes.
When they reached their destination, Amelia told him all about the happy days of her childhood that were spent here. He listened intently. Her words managed to transfer him back in time, back when they were both happy, when they didn’t think that life could ever become as hopeless as it was now.
And yet, one look in her direction managed to awaken that hope. He continued listening to her, wondering if that was a good thing or not…
CHAPTER14
Arthur glanced at himself in the mirror. He was all dressed up for the ball, an occurrence he never thought he would experience again. Balls were something he feared, like the undead feared the crucifix. And yet, here he was. All dressed up in his finest clothes. He wanted to make Amelia proud to stand by his side in front of all those peering eyes and leering tongues. He could not clean his reputation, but he could damn well put on his best clothes and look better than the finest gentleman in the room.
He swallowed heavily. He needed a drink. This was too much to handle. He went to the sideboard, retrieving a decanter of whiskey, then proceeded to pour some of the yellowish liquid into a crystal glass. He took a long, thirsty sip although it did little to alleviate his pain, his anguish, and his anxiety. He even ended up choking on it as it burned a path down his throat.
A realization gripped him, sinking its talons deep into the recesses of his slumbering heart. He had been burned badly before. With Lady Susan, he had traveled from delirious happiness to the pits of deepest, darkest despair. Lord knows how he managed to get himself out, but it was not a place where he had any intention of returning. He was certain that love would eventually push him back into that very pit once more.
But at the same time, he could immediately tell that Amelia wasn’t Susan. The two were not the same woman. In fact, they could not have been further apart from each other. Susan was soft, innocent, and naïve whereas Amelia was bold and brazen. She was confident enough to seek her own justice when she believed she was not being treated fairly. She refused to be stepped on. She realized that she could not fight the situation she was in, but she also did not go gently along with everyone else’s rules. She demanded her own be introduced. Indeed, the two women could not have been more different one from the other.
He sighed, taking another sip of the burning liquid. Arthur did not believe in love. Not anymore. Not ever again. And even if he did, would he ever look for it in the guise of the woman whom he forced to marry him? Hardly likely.
He finished his drink, clicking his tongue against his teeth. This was going to be a long night. He could already tell. Some of the people who would be present he had not seen in moths, years even. They were bound to approach him, to talk to him, and to ask questions which he was in no mood to provide any response to.
Indeed, he would rather just stay home as he always did, far away from the maddening crowd which never sought to understand him but rather condemned him. Only, he could not do that this time. Amelia asked him to accompany them, and he gave his promise. He couldn’t be quite certain which part of himself gave that promise.
Was it his mind? Certainly not. His mind knew that it was exactly the opposite of what he needed to do. His heart was the confused one. His heart had no idea what to do. It was possible that his heart was leaning towards the confirmation side. Then, finally, there was the devil in his pants. He gave the promise instantly. He had hopes. Wicked hopes of a wild satyr although Arthur focused all of his attention on controlling him. Sometimes, it was possible. At other times, he feared that he would lose all control over himself, grab Amelia in his arms, and shower her with kisses. Then, more would ensue. But he dared not get to that point, even in his mind.
He banished all thoughts of kissing her. This evening, he would merely be doing his duty. He forced her to marry him. To be quite honest, her father did the forcing, but Arthur knew where the true blame lay. She asked him for a favor. The least he could do was comply.
