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His eyes were still two slits as he opened them heavily, yawning. His right arm remained wrapped around her, not allowing her to move away from him.
“How did you sleep?” he asked softly, his voice slightly more rough than usual.
“Well,” she whispered back, wondering if she should get up or perhaps lift her head from his shoulder, but she did no such thing. It was much too comfortable in his embrace early in the morning. Or perhaps it was late in the morning? She had no idea how long they slept like this. In the end, it didn’t matter. She was exactly where she wanted to be, despite the path that led her there. “You?”
“Even better than well,” he grinned at her, his eyes now wide open.
As she gazed back at him, she realized that despite all her conscious effort not to feel anything for this man, she was captured, ensnared, enamored, and completely his now. Every time he looked at her, he made her feel. And those were never simple emotions. They were always conflicted sensations. It was always a sudden rush, an uncontrollable urge to be even closer to him than she already was. There was so little left of her good sense when he was around. Ever since she knew the sensation of being in his arms, that was all she could think about. She wanted him to grab her, to drag her like a torrent into the whirlwind of his arms and kiss her until she was breathless again.
These emotions snuck up on her so unexpectedly that she had no idea what to do with them now, other than try to gain some control over herself. He managed to awaken parts of her which she didn’t even know were there. There was no denying this. Just like there was no denying the fact that she felt like she was truly his wife now in every way imaginable.
“In fact, I have been sleeping a little better each subsequent day since you arrived here,” he admitted, much to her surprise. She wasn’t expecting him to say anything like that. He looked at her expectantly as his eyes glimmered with an emotion she had never seen them possess before. Then, he continued, “It isn’t simply the way you are slowly transforming this old house into a home, but it is you; your very presence here has a soothing effect on everyone, especially me.”
She smiled, taken aback by this admission. When she entered this marriage, she vowed to herself that she would take whatever this man said with a grain of salt. But that was before she knew him as she did now. Everything was so complicated, and at the same time, it was not. She trusted him. She felt that he had fallen under the same spell as she.
“I think when you are finished with this place, it will look unrecognizable,” he said.
“Oh, I don’t want it to be unrecognizable,” she corrected him. “I want to keep all the memories you have. I want you to smile more as I’m certain you did back when…” She suddenly stopped, wondering if perhaps she had crossed the line.
She lifted her head, and their gazes locked. She wanted to tear herself away from that mesmerizing look. Yet, at the same time, she didn’t want to move. She wanted him to keep looking at her like this always with this tender need to understand and love.
“It’s all right,” he assured her. “I think Mother would like to see that someone has taken this house under their wing, wishing to make it beautiful again. Lord knows, I don’t have the strength or desire for it.”
“But I could leave everything as it was,” she reminded him.
“I don’t want you to leave everything as it was,” he shook his head. “I want to remember the good times, the times before the fire, before the tragedy, before I stopped trusting people.”
She hesitated to ask her question, but she could not resist the temptation. “Do you trust me?”
“Yes,” he said without a second thought.
“I know I am not the first woman in your life who loved you, but… I hope to be the last.” The sheer strength of these words overwhelmed her. For a moment, she wondered if she crossed the line again, if she perhaps should not have said it.
She meant every word of it, and she had always been taught to speak the truth, to never be ashamed of how she felt about something or someone. That was where her strength stemmed from, her own conviction that she had the right to feel however she felt. This was what he didn’t seem to understand yet, that his pain was justified, and no one should tell him that he shouldn’t be sad or how long this period of mourning should last for him.
“There has never been a woman like you before,” he whispered, cupping her jaw as he searched her gaze. “Nor will there be another one after you.”
“I won’t leave you,” she assured him. “Ever.” She knew that the woman before had left. She did so when he needed her the most. Amelia would never do that to him. She could never do that to anyone she loved.
The wordleavemade him twitch unnaturally. She could feel his entire body tense as she still lay in his embrace. She pretended she did not notice it, but she understood, even better than she could ever explain.
“Some people allow their fear to take over,” he said softly. “Especially when tragic things take place. They do not know how to process it, and in those dark moments, fear is your worst enemy.”
“Is that how you felt when you realized that you accidentally caused the fire?” she asked, and the moment those words crossed the threshold of her lips, she knew she had made the biggest mistake of her life. She revealed that she knew something she wasn’t supposed to know.
He immediately pulled away, releasing her from the grip of his embrace. She could see the disbelief in his eyes, the grief, and the pain of the realization of what she had done.
“How do you know that?” he asked in a voice that refused to reveal anything regarding the turmoil that was happening just underneath the surface of his being. But she knew. She could sense it in the way he was looking at her, in the way his entire body was shunning her now as if they reverted back to being strangers again.
For a moment, she wondered if she should just tell him that it was one of the rumors, but she knew deep down that she couldn’t lie to him. Not about something so grave. He deserved to know the truth, and the truth was that she betrayed his trust.
“I… I found your diary in the library,” she finally admitted, her voice laced with shame and guilt.
“And you read it?” he asked although the answer was obvious to them both. All she managed to do was nod.
Instantly, he jumped up from the bed as if scorched by her very presence, let alone her touch. Disregarding any propriety, he revealed himself in all his naked glory, turned with his back to her, and started to put on his shirt and his pants. He did so silently, but with every tug of his pants, she could tell how hurt he was, how angry, and worst of all, how betrayed he felt.
“Please talk to me,” she pleaded, her voice on the verge of breaking. She dared not get out of bed. Instead, she clutched at the covers, hiding her entire body from sight.
