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That's without even considering the tattoo on his back. He has one big tattoo spanning from the nape of his neck down to where the belt cuts off my vision. It's in the shape of a circle like some kind of stamp or emblem. With all the movement I can't quite tell what it says, but I can see the image of a skull wearing a crown in the center.
I'd never admit it if I was, but Imaybe feeling a little drooly watching him. He must not have heard me coming in over the music I assume is pumping through his earbuds. Which is good, because that means I can stand here and stare a little while longer.
Josiah is definitely capable of protecting me. Any doubt I may have had before is gone now. He could probably kill me with a well placed forehead flick. He can definitely defend us from anyone that might wish us harm.
I should stop watching. I could close my eyes, turn around, look away.Anythingbut stand here and stare at him with these crazy thoughts going through my head and feelings running through my body. But I can't. I'm glued here with my eyes tracing over every part of him that I can see and my panties getting damp.
It’s been too long since I let someone touch me. That’s why this is happening to me now. After the trial was over, I went looking for anyone that could make me feel something other than bad. Even if they couldn’t give me somethinggood, just okay was an improvement.
But that doesn’t always turn out well. When good things end, that feels bad too, and it all just compounded into-
Josiah swivels his head and looks back at me, checking me up and down like he thinks something might be wrong. He lowers himself to the floor and detaches the weights at his waistband as he asks, "Are you okay?"
Oh shit oh shit. "Yeah I'm fine. I was just… looking around. I thought I heard you so I- I'm sorry."Sorry I was drinking you in like a glass of ice water on a hot day, but youarereminiscent of a walking thirst trap so…
“No need to apologize.” Josiah swipes a towel over his face and chugs the rest of his water, while I just continue watching his every move.
“This place… looks really secure.” I think it’s good that I’m here. Between the house and the man, it’s easy to believe I’m safe. The problem is that some day I will have to leave here, and what if the danger is standing right outside the door like a wolf scenting its prey?
Tony could be outside right now, waiting for me to come out so he can attack me. If he hired someone while he’s still in prison, what are the chances they still have an open line of communication now? What if the person he sent to stalk me has been told to kill me? What if Tony grows a conscience and doesn’t have a way to tell the guy to leave me alone?
“Phoebe?”
“Pretty Phoebe… Don’t be scared, honey. You’re next.”
You’re next, you’re next, you’re next.
“Phoebe, breathe. Sit down.”
If I sit, I won’t be able to run. I don’t think I can run anyway. I’m getting dizzy. These short breaths are starving my brain for oxygen. But I can’t put myself at any more of a disadvantage. Ihaveto be able to hold on to some kind of strength.
“Hey, look. Look at me.”
Don’t scream. You’re next. Wait till tomorrow, pretty Phoebe. Tomorrow.
“Goddammit. Hey!” Josiah’s hands grip my cheeks, forcing me to face him. “Look at me. Deep breaths. Breathe with me.”
“Are you sure that’s what happened, Phoebe? These are serious allegations. We wouldn’t want to ruin someone's reputation because you were confused, right? He might have to register as a sex offender for the rest of his life if you go through with this.”
“Let go! Get off me!” I scream, wiggling in his arms and trying to free myself. Cold fear spreads over my skin and all I know is that I have to get away from him, to break free of the man holding me hostage.
“Stomp your feet,” Josiah coaches. His mouth is at my ear now, his chest against my back. “Stop fighting me and stomp your fucking feet.”
That’s not going to help! He’s crazy, asking me for something ridiculous! But I stomp my feet anyway, shouting while I do it because his arms around my waist won’t let me move.
“You aren’t there anymore, Phoebe,” Josiah says in that aggravatingly calm voice. “Whatever happened, you aren’t there anymore. It’s not happening right now. Does it smell like it did there?”
I inhale through my nose, bringing in the scent of Josiah’s sweat and whatever manly scent he carries with him. The foster home smelled like mildew and dust. “No.”
“Listen to the sound the floor makes, feel the way it feels underneath you. Does it feel the same?”
No, this floor is softer- impact absorbent, and my feet are almost silent against it. The hardwood floor of the foster factory was cold and creaky. This place is different. “No.”
“Breathe with me. Can you feel me breathing?”
I can feel him all through my body. I nod my head and focus on following his rhythm. Slow, even breath in. Slow, even breath out. His belly moves against my back and warm air blows over my ears. My eyes close as the fear finally begins to ease away and tears rush over my cheeks. I’ve never been able to break out of a panic attack that fast. I normally let them swallow me up. They eat me alive until I can’t see anything buthim.
“Good. That’s good. Keep breathing. Keep breathing with me.” Josiah’s calm voice is less annoying now. It’s almost soothing.
