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I spin my head back to the DJ and give her an encouraging smile, or so I hope. I shake my head.
As I enter the stage, my mind is spinning. Do I want to meet up with Wyatt later tonight? It’s definitely more sensible and safer to just back up and forget about this. But, my whole life is sensible and safe. I smile, because I know what to do. Adrenaline pumps through my veins and I feel on top of the world. And then the sound of the song envelopes the entire room and the theatrical smoke fills my nostrils. I think of Lyon. My beloved city, a place filled withcroissantsandquenelles, church bells and everlasting strolls on lazy Sunday afternoons. I think of my family, strict yet loving, unforgiving and soothing for whatever emotional blister I have. Eternal bandages. Because I know that something’s changed. And with that, my life as I know it will never be the same again. Lyon, and that life, is part of my past. And what’s out there, is yet to be defined. My future. Bike rides, laughter, music, friendship. And space, so much more space, aching to be filled with new hobbies and other passions that I will discover along the road.
I’m singing.Mon Dieu, it feels sogood.
And just like that, in the blink of an eye, the moment’s gone. But the feeling of freedom lingers.
By the time I finish, I get a big cheer from the crowd and the girls are waiting for me, ready to hug me. They’re all chattering at the same time.
“Hello, who’s this pop star? Can I have an autograph please?”
“You were looking for another goal in life? Well…you might have found something to work with here, lovely. You’ve got an amazing voice.”
“Let’s go dancing girls! Are you ready for the Meta?” Prue pulls her arm around me and we head for the exit. “That was amazing, babe.” Ready to conquer the bustling city, ready for the finale.
When we get to the exit, a tall guy with enormous biceps blocks our way, eyes me for a brief moment and then opens the door with a slight nod. I thank him, but I’m still too dazed from my high to give it any thought. And just like that, we’re on our way to the next destination. Bring it on.
Hours later, I am exhausted. It’s been so very cool. But now, I’m tired. When we finally make it back to the hotel, I check the time.
“Did you know that this is the longest I’ve ever been up?” I say and the girls just laugh. We’re all a bit tipsy, though they had far more to drink than I did. I feel good though.
“Let me guess, no student parties for you?” Monika asks.
I shake my head. “No. I’ve been to parties, but mostly dinner parties, you know?”
“The ones that end before midnight?” Monika nods. “I know those.”
“That doesn’t exist in England,” Emma laughs. “We skip the food part and keep to the drinking. Preferably until late.”
We’re still giggling when we make our way through the sliding doors. Emma gestures to the elevator.
“Girls, I had such a fun evening, but I’m exhausted and even more jet-lagged. So, I’m calling it a night. See you tomorrow.” She turns on her heels. Monika throws us a kiss in the air and follows her. I watch Prue leave before I quietly make my way toward the lobby. I’ve been good tonight and haven’t giventhisa lot of thought. But now I’m back at the hotel, I cannot help but wonder if Wyatt had showed up. The lobby is, however, disappointingly empty. Well, can’t blame him. It’s after two in the morning. However, since I’m feeling bold, I walk up to the desk. The desk employee catches my gaze and smiles as I approach her.
“Good evening—” I scan the name tag, “Ella. I’m up in room 303 and was wondering whether anyone, a man, stopped by and asked for me?”
The other woman shakes her head. “I don’t believe so. Your name please?”
“Angélique Lavigne.” I hesitate slightly, before feeling the need to clarify. “That man is someone I know, that’s why. He’s not, you know.” My cheeks get hot and I clear my throat. The other woman checks her phone, eyes the lobby and then turns her attention back to me. She shakes her head and gives me another of those blank smiles.
“Nothing, I’m sorry. Would you like me to inform you if someone’s here, regardless of the time?
“Uhm, yes, thank you. Goodnight.”
By the time I’m back in my room I feel how very tired I really am. I strip off my clothes and head for the luxurious shower again. Showers like this truly are a crime. I sigh when the warm, pulsing jets massage my exhausted body. If only I had a shower like this at home. In my long, flowing nightgown and with the toothbrush in my mouth, I walk across the room to draw the curtains.
Goodnight, crazy city. How happy you make me. I look outside for a moment, at the foreign, yet spectacular, view of the immense buildings, lights and traffic that still rage through the streets, even at such an unchristian hour. And suddenly I’m feeling overcome with a sense of satisfaction. It's almost strange to feel this way after so many years of numbness, of searching and not finding. Of reaching a place where I accepted my fate, only to change direction again.
Time to push things forward.
Despite my fatigue, I take out my notebook and flick through the pages. I named my ideas “Ambitions and talents”, but it doesn’t feel right anymore. Too much has changed since yesterday, no matter how ridiculous that must sound. After giving it a second, I cross out the wordambitionsand replace it withplans. There. Up until tonight, plan A was the convent. I move it to plan B—a backup plan. Let destiny work its magic.
I look at the words—singer, cook, and photographer—which I scribbled down on the plane.Non. I equally scratch “cook” and circle “singer”. After tonight that’s pretty obvious, right? I tap the pencil against my mouth as thoughts fill my tired brain. This feels good. I yawn and write down “music education”, followed by “singing in bars”, “finding a band”.
What would it be like to live in a place like New York?I should ask Prue. Then I turn the page and write the first lines of the song I performed earlier:
Tous les garçons et les filles de mon âge
Se promènent dans la rue deux par deux
