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“You youngsters don’t know you’re born. In my day there was no choice to mope around in a pool of self-pity. We had to get on with things. We had responsibilities.”
“I don’t have any responsibilities.”
“Oh yes you do, girl. You have a responsibility to yourself not to let those bastards win. I bet that sleaze Alex isn’t pining in his pyjamas. And if you won’t get moving for yourself, think about the other people who need you.”
“No one needs me. I’m all alone.”
“Well, thank you very much,” said Joy. “I thought we were friends, but perhaps I’m just a nuisance to you.”
“I’m sorry,” said Kate. “Of course you’re my friend.”
“Then start treating me like one. And what about Bob? The poor chap’s got enough on his plate without worrying about you. You should be up at his house offering him support, not wallowing over your own petty dramas. What’s it they call it these days? I know, a pity party. You’re having a pity party for one and it’s damned right disgraceful. Your grandmother would be ashamed if she could see you now.”
“That’s a bit harsh,” grumbled Kate, pulling the blanket up around her chin. Did she really smell that bad? It had been a few days since she’d washed so it was possible.
“You need a good talking to, so don’t expect an apology from me. Now, I’m going to run that bath, and if you won’t get in it of your own accord, I’ll carry you up there myself.”
Kate smiled in spite of herself. “Fine. You win.”
“I always do,” said Joy as she headed up the stairs.
*
Kate climbed into the hot bubbly water and felt every muscle in her body relax. It was a classy bathroom, thought Kate, admiring the handiwork she rarely got to enjoy herself. She should make the most of this time alone, the calendar was filling up with bookings from Easter onwards. It was going to be a busy summer.
Bubbles erupted from her nose as Kate plunged beneath the water. It felt good to be clean again and Joy’s no-nonsense speech had the desired effect of snapping her out of it. She wasn’t completely sure whatitwas, only that she had been smothered by a feeling of despair ever since she set foot on the train back from Bath. Until that point she had been holding it together well by anyone’s standards.
The anger Flo helped her access was soon replaced by hopelessness. Alex and Maddie had been in her life for over a decade. Even her own father hadn’t stuck around that long. Part of her wished she hadn’t blocked their numbers, for her phone lay silent without Alex’s stupid videos and Maddie’s regular chit chat. If Kate were honest, she missed Maddie far more than Alex. He had been more a fantasy than reality she now realised, but Maddie had been the sister she never had.
Kate scrubbed shampoo into her scalp, fingertips working out dirt in a way she wished she could do with her soul. There had been many times over the years when she and Maddie had daydreamed about having children. They’d promised to appoint each other godmother, agreeing to live close enough for their children to attend the same school. At least they’d been right about one thing, thought Kate bitterly. Alex had indeed turned out to be the father of one of their babies, just not with the mother Kate expected.
A twinge of guilt raced down Kate’s body as she remembered the promises she’d made her best friend; the first trip to Mothercare, the standby birthing partner, the baby-shower organiser, the babysitter. Guilt seeped into envy. At least Maddie had family who could do all those things. Maddie’s actions left Kate with nobody.
A gentle knocking on the door reminded Kate she wasn’t alone, even if in that moment she’d like to be.
“Are you decent, dear?”
Kate pulled bubbles over herself to protect her modesty. “Yes, come in.”
“I thought you might like this,” said Joy, handing Kate a chilled glass of wine. “Oh no, dear, there’s no need to cry.”
Kate hadn’t realised she was crying, but lifting her fingers to her face, felt warm drops of water running down her cheeks. “I’m not sad,” she said, brushing the tears away. “I mean, of course I’m sad, but right now I’m just so incredibly grateful to have you as a friend.”
“Likewise,” said Joy, sitting herself on the toilet seat. “Now, I know you’re not feeling quite yourself, but I really think it would be a good idea to pay a visit to Bob. I could come too. It’s been a long time since I had a proper chinwag with his mum, and I’m sure she could do with a bit of company.”
“Are you sure Bob wants us to go round? He wasn’t very happy about it the last time I tried.”
“I gave him a call earlier. He said it’s fine. There are things the two of you need to talk about.”
“Alright. I’ll finish up my drink then pull myself together.”
“That’s the spirit,” said Joy, standing up and shuffling to the door. “I’ll be waiting downstairs. See you shortly.”
*
If the walk to Bob’s house in the rain had seemed a mission, it was nothing compared to the painful walk up the hill with Joy. Kate battled nerves and adrenaline to keep to Joy’s snail pace, linking arms in case she fell.Patience is a virtue, Kate told herself as they stopped for the twentieth time so Joy could catch her breath.
“Me and your grandmother used to cycle up this hill. You can’t imagine the fun we had whizzing back down. Neither of us could afford a motor car, so riding down here at full pelt was the closest we could get. It’s a wonder neither of us were injured.”
