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3
Jimmy
Falling Out Of Love
Istare across the table at the tiny waif of a woman. She’s so tiny, she might even be smaller than Tink. I was trying to avoid dating anyone who resembled Iz; blonde hair, instead of brown. Green eyes, instead of brown. Short, instead of the exact perfect height for me to rest my chin when we hug.
I chose everything different to Iz, but I had no clue my brain would go fucking stupid and reach. Jo reminds me a little of Tink, and thinking of Tink makes me think of Iz.
Because I’m a fucking idiot.
Jo’s eyes are pretty, but they’re not as pretty as Iz’s.
Her hair is silky smooth and has natural highlights that look nice in the candlelight, but Iz’s is nicer.
Jo smiles a lot. It’s a pretty smile. She chatters, and it’s not obnoxious or annoying. She’s even kind of funny. But Iz’s smile is prettier, her jokes funnier, her personality kinder.
I know I’m not being fair, but I can’t help it. I’m here with the sole purpose of falling out of love with the most amazing woman I know, but all I’m doing is reminding myself how amazing she actually is. Which cancels out any progress I might’ve made, had I actually fucking tried.
“Do you have siblings?”
I jump in my seat and come crashing back to reality. Back to the restaurant. Back to my date with the nice woman who stands no chance of knocking Iz off her pedestal.
I vow to do better. I vow to treat her with the respect she deserves. I sit up straighter in my chair and promise myself I’ll stop thinking of Iz. Then I promise myself I probably won’t, but that I will at least pay attention to Jo.
I clear my throat and push Iz off the stage. “Yeah. I have siblings. Loads, actually.” I smile genuinely and think of my family. Even Iz. “I’m the youngest of three boys.”
She smiles and slides her finger around the rim of her wineglass. “That’s nice. But three isn’t loads…”
“Ah, I have a few extra siblings, by choice, not blood.”
“Oh, cool. Like best friends?”
“Yeah, exactly like that. We’re a big ass group of friends, only some of us are related. But we love each other like family.”
“That’s really nice. I’m an only child, so my Christmases are pretty quiet. I wish I had a bunch of siblings.”
I laugh. “Yeah, nothing’s ever quiet when we’re all together.”
She nods contemplatively. “That sounds fun. I’ve never had that before. The noisy dinners. The sibling fights. The shouting over everyone else to be heard.”
“Yeah, we’re always shouting to be heard.”‘Quit it, Jim! Quit fussing over me!’“Always fighting with each other.”‘Why’d you stomp on his junk, Izzy? Why’d you do that?’
“I bet you’re fiercely protective of each other,” she murmurs. “Even if you fight.”
‘Because he was coming to find you, Jim. I was protecting you.’“Yeah. We are.”
‘It’s not your job to protect me, silly! I’ll protect you.’
In my mind, I can see exactly how Iz stubbornly pushed her chin out that day behind the shed. The day she stopped three older boys from coming to find me, because she was protecting me like she was my seven-foot protector. She was six years old, she was four feet tall. She was willing to fight to the death for me.
‘We can protect each other,’she whispered defiantly.‘Let’s promise to love each other forever. Then I can protect you and you can protect me. No one will ever hurt us.’
I had no clue one day I’d need protection from her.
Jo’s pretty smile penetrates my consciousness and drags me away from my first kiss. Iz was six, I was eight. We had no clue what we were doing, but we did it anyway.
“Hey. You in there?” When my eyes refocus and dread swirls in my belly, she smirks. “Where’d you go?”
