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“Jim?”
“Ah,” I refocus on Belle. “I was actually rushing out, sorry.” I show her the breakfast bar and rush toward the registers. No time for milk. “How are you?”
“I’m good. It’s good to see you.” She curls hair around her fingers and smiles. She follows me to the registers, bumps the other checkout girl away with a quick look and swinging hips, and proceeds to ring up my snack.
“Be sure to tell your Daddy I said hi.”
She smirks playfully. “I will.”
She scans and unnecessarily bags my protein bar. I’ll be tearing it open in three seconds, but whatever. I’m not going to have a discussion with her about it. I hand over a few dollars and snatch up my bag. “Thanks. Catch you later–”
She grabs at my bicep in an instant. Like a striking cobra, she latches on. “Wait. So, I was wondering, I’m off work tonight. I thought… I wondered, if maybe you wanted to get a drink sometime?”
“Oh.”Well shit. Damn. Fuck.“Um.”
“I mean, you’re not seeing anyone else, right?”
Iz. Iz. Iz!
Iz’s beautiful eyes flash in my mind. Her long silky hair. The bell shape of her sexy ass, and the perfect handfuls on her chest. But then her tears replace those images.
Always crying.
Only for me.
Fuck.
“Jim?”
“Uh, no, I’m not seeing anyone.” I feel like a desperate loser. Then I remember that I’m a virgin. And that I am, in fact, a desperate loser. Fuck! “O…kay… a drink. Sure...” I test the words on my tongue. They taste of bitterness and insta-regret.
I don’t want Belle, not even a little bit.
But Izzy doesn’t want me… not even a little bit.
Does Iz think of me the way I think of Belle?
Fuck!
Grief settles low in my belly.
I’ll always be here for her. I’ll always protect her, but now I realize that I have to do it invisibly. I have to do it from a distance.
I won’t make her cry anymore.
She deserves to move on without me hurting her. She deserves happiness. She deserves to make a family with Bean and whatever lucky man that makes her smile.
That man is not me.
I just make her cry.
I’ll probably kill him. Which’ll make her cry more. But I promise to try hard to let her be happy.
My chest aches, not only at losing her, but at losing Bean, too. I’ll always get to be his uncle, not that I’ll be around. Invisibility means Bean will know me only by my absence. Bobby will tell him stories of the once funny uncle. Tina will tell the story of the uncle who taught her daughter to swear. Tink will tell the story of the guy who was a foot taller than her, but who was scared to ever cross her.
I’ll be invisible. I’ll never know that sweet baby.
Life fucking sucks.
