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“You said that already. Now tell me something real. Don’t lie to me.”
With a shaky breath and watering eyes, she presses forward and rests her forehead on my chest. “I’m scared.”
Good. Emotion. A hug. Keep going. “What are you scared of, baby?”
“I don’t know.” She hiccups nervously. “Like, what if I suck at this? What if I break her? What if I lose her? What if I screw this up so bad, she ends up being a teen mom, too?”
“First, she can’t be a teen mom, because she literally won’t get the keys to her chastity belt until she’s thirty.” She giggles snot onto my shirt. “And second, you’ll be great at this. You already are. Shit, Iz, look what you’ve already accomplished. Youmadeher. You almost died giving birth to her. She was sick, but now look; she’s like brand-new. She’s strong and eats more than Jack… She’s perfect, Bubs. Just like you.”
“Do you promise not to let me mess this up?”
“You won’t, Bubs. I know you won’t. You’ll move heaven and earth to get it right.”
“But promise me, Jimmy.” She pulls back so our eyes meet. My heart races at the desperation in her gaze. “Like, if you see me screwing it up, you’ll tell me?”
“Okay, baby, I promise. But I know you. There’s no way you could possibly fail at this.”
She nods. She doesn’t believe me. But she nods, anyway.
“Do you wanna stay a little longer? Let them take care of us a little longer, or are you ready to go home? I promise to look after you.”
She simply steps back with that same bland look on her face. My arms drop heavily to my sides as she steps out of reach. “Let’s just go.”
* * *
She doesn’t speak as we exit the elevator, she simply walks with half a limp and bites her nails as we move into the parking lot. I threw my keys at Aiden yesterday with instructions to get a car seat purchased and professionally installed.
He did it.
He did it with a flare, hence the hot-pink car seat now in my hands, but whatever. My baby girl will ride safe.
“Here we go.” Gently passing close by, I brush my hand over her shoulder as I reach to open the car door. I just want to touch her. I want her to touch me, but she flinches from my softest touch.
Her flinching transports me right back to before Bean arrived. Right back to the constant rejection.
Ouch.
“Thanks.” She gingerly climbs into the passenger seat without a backwards glance, and Bean and I are left standing on the curb wondering why she hates us.
I let out another sigh, drop my bags to the ground by my feet, and open the back door.
“Alright baby girl, let’s go for your first drive.”
As soon as she’s strapped in safe and the bags are packed into the back, I move around the Jeep and climb into the driver’s seat. Bad juju floats around and taunts me. I don’t like it. I’ve finally gotten everything I ever wanted, but it feels wrong.
It feels like she changed her mind.
“Bubs?”
Again, she fucking flinches as though my soft word was a shout. Does my voice annoy her, too?
“Bubs, look at me.”
“Hm?” She doesn’t look at me. Instead, she plays with the hospital bracelet she has yet to take off.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
