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“I couldn’t impose on your family.”
“Believe me, they’d love it. If anybody imposes on anybody, they’ll driveyounuts.” I grinned at her. They could be aggravating as all get out, but if I could get back all the time I’d missed with them, I’d do it in a heartbeat.
She looked tempted, which caught me off guard. Muriella had always seemed perfectly happy right here where she had her own smaller version of what I had in Texas. The fact she appeared to take my offer seriously proved just how lost she must have felt.
“You’ve got a few days to think about it. Instead of flying back here after the wedding, you can go straight there.” She glanced away. “You are going to the wedding, aren’t you?”
When she looked at me, her eyes shimmered. “I don’t know,” she whispered.
What the actual hell? Our best friends were getting married. No matter how mad she was, I never pictured her missing it.
“They won’t do it without you.” I gripped the edge of the counter. “I’m not trying to guilt-trip you, but you know it’s true.”
“I want to be there.” She nibbled her lip. “But I don’t know how to forgive.”
It was the most honest thing she’d ever said to me. Right or wrong, I took that as a sign of progress.
“You don’t have to. Not before you go.” I polished off my beer. “And I’m not trying to tell you what to do here.”
“I think you are.”
“If you miss it, you might be sorry later on. That’s all I’m saying.”
She propped an elbow on the counter. “Do you think it’s true that when you don’t forgive, the person who hurts the most is yourself?”
I studied her. We weren’t talking about easy stuff, but this right here, her opening up, was what I’d wanted. “It’s not one-size-fits-all, is it?”
“Father Jude talks about it. We teach forgiveness at school. I just don’t have it in me to do it.”
“Some people don’t deserve it.”
She jerked her gaze to me, and I shrugged. I knew what the Bible said about it, but some stuff just didn’t apply to real life. Maybe God wouldn’t forgive me for thinking that way, but it was how I felt.
“You didn’t answer my question,” she said.
“Because I don’t know the answer. But overall, I’d say yeah, we’re the ones who hurt the most when we can’t let it go.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.” She held up her index finger and disappeared from the kitchen.
Muriella and I had talked over the years, not just about insignificant things, but something had changed. My effort to give a little in hopes she’d do the same appeared to be working, and if we kept at it, I knew she’d give me more. And that was what had kept me going all this time. The possibility of more.
Nobody else had ever interested me the way she did. There’d been plenty of other women I’d found attractive, might’ve even asked out if the circumstances had been different. But I couldn’t do it. Didn’t want to. Muriella was always on my mind. I’d belonged to her from that first July 4th, which transcended logic and reason. But my grandmama had taught me that sometimes that stuff was overrated.
Also, I trusted Muriella. I couldn’t say that about very many people. Everyone wanted a piece of me, and the more famous I became, the worse it got. I never knew if folks were interested in me for me or for what they could get from me. With her? Most of the time it seemed like she couldn’t get away from me fast enough. This was more than wanting what I couldn’t have. She was the woman I’d hoped to find all my life.
She returned to the kitchen, a manila envelope in her hand.
“What’s that?”
“A few possibilities for Mitch and Juliana’s trip. Did you have a chance to feel out when they could go?”
“Uh—” I scratched at the back of my neck. “I’m not as on top of things as you are,” I said sheepishly.
She laid the envelope on the counter in front of me. “I highlighted my favorite restaurants and places to stay. Since they’ve been before, they’ve probably got things they want to do. If you could talk to Ruby, that would help.” Her look was accusing.
This was yet another reason I’d waited for her. She cared about my family as much as I did. Hell, maybe more seeing as she’d already done her research, and I hadn’t made the time to do my part.
I checked the time on the microwave clock. “Too late to call her now.”
