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“I’m glad you like it.”
“Mind if I make a confession? Maybe an apology?” I wiped my mouth with a napkin.
“I guess not,” she said warily, setting her own sandwich down.
“I think I’ve done wrong by both of us.”
“I don’t follow.” She picked up a chip, but only held it.
“I knew pretty much right off the bat you were the one.” The potato chip snapped between her fingers, and I held up both of my hands. “Don’t go freaking out on me. I’m not telling you anything you don’t know.”
“Stone…”
“What I’m trying to say is I was afraid. Daniel warned me enough to let me know I couldn’t just bulldoze my way in like I wanted to.” Instead of taking charge, I’d left things to circumstance. A mistake I was attempting to rectify.
She pushed her plate away. “Don’t.”
“If I’d been more brave, things might have been different. We could have had a lot of years together already. I was scared I’d lose any chance, so I did nothing.” I slid down in my chair and tossed my napkin on the table.
“You were my friend. That was something. I never let anyone past the acquaintance barrier.”
“You didn’t let me much past that stage either, darlin’.” She knew I was right. “I should have been stronger for both of us. Because this right here…it’s what I want.”
“You’ll find it.”
Was she just pretending not to understand me, or did she really not get it? “With you, Muriella. Only you.”
“I—”
“Don’t say can’t. Just try to open your mind to the possibility of a lifetime of lunches.”
She slouched in her seat. “If I do that, I’ll end up disappointed. I’ve found a place that works for me. I don’t want to leave it.”
“What if there’s a better one?” No matter how I promised myself I’d take this nice and easy, I couldn’t stop pushing. Tonight had been a taste of something, and I wanted more.
“Are you glad you left the ranch? Is this better?” She threw back at me.
“Fair enough,” I conceded. “It’s not easy being out of your comfort zone—”
“If it were that simple, don’t you think I would have tried? I’m not scared of life. But this—” She waved her hand back and forth between us. “It will launch me back to hell. And maybe I could handle that. But I’ll drag you with me, and that willneverhappen.”
I ground my teeth. I’d rather be in hell with her than not be with her at all. “Have you ever talked to anybody about this?”
“A therapist? No.” She folded her arms over her chest. “Don’t tell me I should. I’ve handled it.”
“I’m not telling you anything. Just asking.”
“Speaking about it won’t help. I know what happened. It will never go away, even if I tell the whole world.” She seemed to think for a minute. “I know it’s beneficial for people. Some of the kids at Paths go. It’s just—I don’t need it.”
She shivered, hugging herself.
“Let’s go inside. It’s freezing.” I stood, stacking our plates and placing them back in the basket.
Muriella wedged between me and the table and grabbed the front of my jacket. “Do you want to see what you’re asking for?”
She didn’t wait for me to answer. Her hands locked behind my neck and she stretched, slamming her mouth against mine.
I gasped and she took advantage of the opening, slipping her tongue in my mouth.
