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I fiddled with the hem of my sweater. “No.” I looked down. “Maybe it is the truck.” Something about the confines of the cab had the feeling of a confessional. It felt safe, as if what I said here was in confidence and would remain protected.
“Hey,” he said. I dragged my eyes over to him. “I appreciate the effort.”
“I spoke with Father Jude after mass, not really about you. Mostly about how hard it’s been for me to forgive Daniel.” I pulled an index card from my back pocket.
“What’s that?”
“He confessed he had an issue with forgiveness too. He wrote down 2 Corinthians, chapter 2, verses 7 and 8 for both of us to carry.” I ran my finger along the words. “It says, ‘You ought to forgive and comfort him, so that he will not be overwhelmed by excessive sorrow. I urge you, therefore, to reaffirm your love for him.’”
My eyes stung. It really hit home for me. As angry and hurt as I was, I didn’t want Daniel to feel the same, because I did love him so much.
“Pretty powerful stuff.”
“I tried to call him to work things out. He didn’t answer.” I clutched the card, wishing it was the soft leather of my Bible instead.
“You can try again later.”
I mumbled my agreement, though I was disappointed I hadn’t been able to reach him. Stone eased the card from my fingers and propped it on the touchscreen display where we both could see it.
I reached for his hand and threaded our fingers together. I only held my breath for a second before I relaxed. He lifted our joined hands and pressed his lips to the back of mine. I kissed his knuckles in return.
“I’m scared of how I feel.”
I wanted more of exactly this. My need for Stone was growing at an exponential pace.
“I don’t want you to be afraid. Not with me. I want to be your safe place.” He squeezed my fingers in reassurance.
“Before those people invaded my home, and before I admitted my feelings for you, everything used to feel constant, like I had control. Nothing is the same any longer, and I don’t know how to handle that.”
“We’ll figure it out together.”
“Why do you want to do that?” I implored.
“Right here.” He pointed to his chest. “I know you better than I know anybody. Have from the time we met. When I’m with you, when I think about you, life makes sense.” He shook his head. “That sounds crazy, but I don’t know any other way to explain it.”
“I know what you mean,” I said. “When I saw Daniel, something in me recognized him. He gave me peace before we’d ever spoken a word.” I tucked a leg up under me. “With you, it was an almost opposite reaction. I knew you, but something stirred in me, a place inside I didn’t know existed. You woke me up.”
“Then why are you fighting against us so hard?”
“I like control. You make me feel out of it.” I toyed with the leather of my boot. “And I’m afraid one day you’ll realize I’m a mistake, and I don’t think I could recover from that.”
“What would it take to prove I’m not going anywhere?” Time was the most obvious answer.
“It’s impossible for you to make a commitment like that when you aren’t fully informed.”
“There’s an easy fix to that, darlin’.”
“Don’t make light of it.” I snatched my hand from his and folded my arms over my stomach.
“That didn’t come out right. I know telling me what happened is gonna be hard on you—”
“On you too,” I interrupted, rubbing at an imaginary scuff on my boot.
“Yeah.” The word came out hoarse. “But we can’t go much further if you keep shutting me out.”
“It’s hard.”
“I know it is, but if we stay in a comfort zone, we’ll never know just how much we’re capable of.”
