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My pelvis rocked into hers, and she whimpered into my mouth. The situation was escalating to the point that I would have her naked in less than three seconds if one of us didn't stop. I sure as hell wasn't going to be the one to halt. I'd shown extreme willpower in a lot of situations, but where she was concerned, I didn't have any.
I slid my hand under her blouse and groaned at the feel of her skin as I skimmed up her back. She arched into me, her breasts pressing against my chest. The barriers between us needed to go. I stretched her arms above her head and tugged at the bottom of her shirt.
Her mouth ripped off mine. “Carlos. No. We can't,” she panted.
It took a moment for me to register what she was saying, but then I smoothed her shirt back into place. “I'm sorry. You make me lose all control. I didn't mean to take it that far.”
“I didn't want you to stop either,” she confessed. “But we have to.”
I put some space between us. “I love you, Holly. This time with you, no matter how short, has been more than I could have dreamed of. And that little boy of yours? He’s incredible. A credit to you. He owns my heart as if he were mine.”
She gulped a sob back, and I could barely take the sorrow in her eyes.I want this woman. I want this family. But because of my fucked-up, egotistical father, I’d never have her.Them. Even from the grave he’d taken everything.
I shifted her away from the door and opened it, leaving every piece of me that was worth anything behind when I walked out.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Carlos
Hell wasa place I was all too familiar with. I hadn't slept, sitting in Muriella's chair, staring into the darkness until the sun rose. I'd sulked. I'd prayed for help I didn't deserve. I’d wondered if Donato would really be able to help me. I'd wracked my brain for a way out of this mess so I could be with Holly and Gabriel. I couldn't see one where I didn't end up dead. Although, the way I felt, that might be better than being alone.
At seven o'clock, I got into Muriella's SUV and drove to Gabriel's school, parking where I could see the entrance undetected. Like a stalker, I watched Holly kiss Gabriel goodbye, my chest tightening when I saw the cowboy sticking out of his backpack. Holly stood there for a moment after he went inside before getting back in the taxi.
This was the hardest part of her day, and I couldn't be there to help her through it. That tore me to pieces, and no matter how often I vowed someday we could be together, I wondered if it was only a delusion I kept telling myself to keep going.
I followed her. After I figured out she was going to the office, I went back to Muriella's apartment and called my sister.
“Hey,” she answered, sounding sleepy.
“Did I wake you?” I asked, instantly apologetic. They weren't in their regular routine, and it hadn't occurred to me they might be resting whenever they could.
“No. I've been up for a while. Stone got up early to tend to the horses.” Muriella sighed. “It didn't go well, did it?”
My lips parted. How could someone who didn't really know me, know me so well? “She said if Gabriel weren't in the picture, she probably couldn't walk away. But since he is . . .” Everything inside me hurt. “I understand. I do. I'm no good for them. No good for you either. But it's not even been twelve hours, and I’m flailing.”
“You have to respect her wishes,” she said.
“Iam. It just feels wrong.”
“I don't know what to tell you. I wish I had the magic answer, but Holly has to see things in black and white when it comes to Gabriel. That has nothing to do with you as a person—”
“It has everything to do with that. If I wasn't who I am, we’d be together.”
“If you weren't who you are, she wouldn't want you.” She had a way of putting things in perspective.
“So either way, I'm fucked,” I complained ruefully.
“Watch your mouth,” she chided, though it was halfhearted.
“Sorry. I'm going out of my mind here. She won't let me help her while you're gone, but I'm going to anyway. Will you teach me how to cook something I can leave in her refrigerator that she can heat up? I'll do it while she's at work. That way she won't have to see me.” The idea came to me out of nowhere, but the more I talked, the more I liked it. Holly had said how nice it was not to have to worry about what they would eat. I could take care of that for her.
“Carlos—”
“Please help me, Muriella. Ineedto take care of them, and it's just become a lot more difficult.”
“How did Holly ever say no to you? Because I'm finding it exceedingly hard,” she said in mock exasperation.
“Thank you.” Relief rushed through me, though the small victory changed nothing.
