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“No. I-I just didn’t expect it so soon.” She stared down at me with uncertainty. I ran my fingers up and down her spine.
“This isn’t a trial period. There is no expiration date. Gabriel is my son, and I want it to be legal. For all of us.”
“He’s already happy. He won’t know the difference. In his mind, it’s the same.”
“But I will.”
I sat up and leaned against the headboard. She shifted between my legs and remained facing me.
“It’s hard,” she admitted. “I’m so used to handling everything myself. What I’ve always wanted for him is right here, but I’m scared it’s too good to be true.”
I related more than she could ever know. Having her as my wife felt like a dream. I kept thinking I’d wake up and be back in hell. But instead of dwelling on the negative, I focused on what was right here in arm’s reach.
“Things are changing quickly,” I said. “I’m more afraid than I’ve ever been in my life. Because now I have so much to lose.”
“We’re not going anywhere either.”
The reassurance eased some of my tension. I had faith she’d stay with me no matter what, but nothing ever seemed to go as planned.
“To move forward with the adoption, I have to know who fathered Gabriel.”
She backed away, and I longed to grab her, keep her in place, tell her she could trust me with her secrets. But she had to learn that on her own. I had to be patient.
“He doesn’t matter,” she said. “He wants nothing to do with Gabriel.”
“We’ll likely have to give him the chance to waive his paternal rights. There may be some loopholes, but I want this to go as seamlessly as possible.” The urge to hurt the man crept through me, but I held it at bay.
“I’m not ready. I’m not sure I ever will be.”
I hated there were secrets between us. “If we don’t communicate, we’re making our relationship that much more difficult.” She seemed to shrink in on herself, and I couldn’t stand that. “I don’t want to pressure you. You can confide in me in your own time.”
She pulled a blanket around her. “I know you’re right,” she said, resigned. “It’s all in the past, and I don’t want that to be part of our future.”
“You know I of all people understand that logic.” Part of me wanted to tell her she didn’t have to do this. Seeing her struggle was beyond painful. All I wanted was to make it stop.
“What you told me about your life took courage.” She closed her eyes and took a few deep breaths in and out. When she opened her lids, determination had transformed her. “He was charming, and I wanted a prince.” Okay, so maybe I didn’t want to hear every detail. “I wanted to feel special.” She winced and looked away. “That’s so stupid. Saying it out loud makes me realize how foolish I was.”
“You are neither stupid nor a fool,” I said adamantly.
“It was one date, but I liked him. I didn’t think if we slept together it would make him care about me. I just felt a connection and decided to do something for me.” She fisted the blanket. If I hated the man before, I certainly did now. Though if he’d treated her the way she deserved, she wouldn’t be my wife now. Gabriel wouldn’t be my son.
“After we . . .” She averted her gaze as she trailed off. “He threw me out of his place. Didn’t even offer me a ride home. I couldn’t call a cab because I didn’t know where I was. The police stopped me for walking through a ritzy neighborhood in the middle of the night. At least the officer was nice. I went home in the back of a squad car.”
Rage flamed underneath my flesh. No one should have treated her that way. She was a beautiful soul. He’d tried to taint that. She was more judicious, but she’d held on to the piece of her that viewed the world as a good place.
“Why did you tell him about Gabriel after what that piece of shit did to you?” I asked through gritted teeth.
“He had a right to know.” She sniffed bitterly. “My thanks for that was an accusation I was only after money.” Her jaw set, steel in her eyes. “I’ve never asked him for anything. Not even to claim paternity. There’s only one signature on Gabriel’s birth certificate and that’s mine.”
The wrath of God was nothing compared to what I would do to that scum when I found out who he was.
“He’s irrelevant,” I said, determined to erase him from Holly’s memories as best I could with ones where she felt no less than cherished.
“I'm glad he doesn't want anything to do with Gabriel. That's terrible to say, but my son is so much better off without that man.”
I didn’t disagree. “Everyone who has a child isn’t meant to be a parent.”
She crawled onto my chest, and I enveloped her in my arms. “He hasn’t legally claimed Gabriel as his son, but I don’t want to take any chance that he’ll try to take him away later because we didn’t close every loophole. If we have to get his consent for you to adopt Gabriel, he’ll never agree.”
