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“I used to want to run away where no one could find me. Be free like they are.”
I understood that sentiment better than I cared to admit. It was partly how I’d ended up in Wyoming.
“You can’t run away from the things you want to forget. They follow you.”
“I know.”
I leaned my head against the back glass. “The older I got, I think I knew Dad might not be my biological father. My mother left right after I was born. For another man. So there had to be a fifty/fifty shot.”
“Just because she said that man is your father doesn’t make it true.”
My instincts were all over the place. I hoped he wasn’t, but physically, it was hard to deny. That was how my life had always been in that arena. Beyond cruel.
“For a while, I convinced myself he didn’t know. Because if he did, that meant neither of my parents wanted me. It was hard enough knowing one didn’t.”
I traced the steering wheel.
“It’s not really fair to my dad, the one who raised me. I spent so much time focused on my mother. Why didn’t she want me? What wasn’t good enough? I just wanted a mom, even though I knew deep down I didn’t need her. Because Dad, he—” A lump formed in my throat.
“He loves you enough for more than two parents.”
I nodded and fought the sting in my eyes.
“All along I wondered why I wasn’t enough, but he had to be thinking the same thing. Not only did the woman he love leave him, but he knew we all thought about her. Wanted her to come back. That had to hurt, you know?”
“I’m sure it did.” She covered my hand with hers.
“Now? There’s the man my mother claims is my father. And I don’t want to know that anymore. I hate that I got what I wished for for so long. My mother back in my life. I’m better off—we all were—because she wasn’t around.”
I slumped down, drained by the whole thing.
“You don’t owe any of them anything.”
“How could you know you have a child for nearly forty years and do nothing about it? Do both of them think they can just fit into my life like they were always there?” I pounded the steering wheel with my fist.
“I’m not even close to over my sister confirming my worst fears that our mother left because of me and then this happens. I can’t go back to New York. I know my dad needs me, but I can’t be there. Not knowing my real parents are there.”
“They aren’t your real parents,” she said, her voice quiet.
“Dad showed us unconditional love. He taught us that’s what parents do.”
“Not all of them.” Her face crumpled in pain. “Sometimes there are most definitely conditions.”
I had no idea what she’d been through and wished we would’ve gotten to a place where she was comfortable sharing her past. Even if I couldn’t help her, at least she could get it out.
“What happened?” I asked, being selfish again, unloading on her.
“When I was at my lowest, they left me on my own.” She clutched the edge of the seat. “I don’t blame them. But I needed them, and they weren’t there.”
She was the kindest, most giving person I’d ever met. Knowing she’d carried so much on her own was a testament to her strength. How could anyone abandon her? Well, you are too, asshole. I wanted to apologize and tell her I was just like her parents, but I hoped she wouldn't see me that way. And even if she did, no doubt she’d get back up on her feet and prosper again.
“You make it look easy.”
Her smile was sad as she whimpered, “It’s not.”
I slid my arm around her shoulders and drew her against me, her head on my shoulder.
“I’m sorry things aren’t different, Easy.” I kissed her hair. “If they were, I’d give you everything. I wish so bad I could.”
