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I kicked at the mess on the floor. The picture of Celia and me floated on top of a shirt. I snatched it up and studied my face.
I looked happy. Unburdened. Days like that near the lake made me forget about what I’d left behind in New York. It wasn’t always like that, but often enough that I could survive.
I pulled out my phone and opened my camera roll. Baker and me on the sofa. Baker and me at Dino’s. Me with lips shiny with her gloss. My face buried against her neck before I took off for work.
Every single day with Baker I was happy. Even on the days we fought. Maybe not so much on the ones she wasn’t speaking to me. But it didn’t take a genius to know what—or who, rather—had turned this hole inside of me to a cavern.
Time and distance was supposed to make this easier, but it hadn’t. I missed her like mad.
My decision to stay in Wyoming had made things clearer. It was good to be with the guys again. I enjoyed working at the park, but it wasn’t as fulfilling as I remembered.
Or maybe I’d changed.
My reasons for staying didn’t seem as pressing as they once had been. I’d run to New York to get away from my problems and found my soul had healed a little while I was there.
I’d spent most of my days thinking about Easy. I couldn't shower without her on my mind. Pizza and beer didn’t have the same appeal without sharing it with her.
The nights weren't any better. My bed was cold and empty without her warmth. Her laugh. Her honesty.
I tossed the picture back on the floor and scooped my stuff back into my bag. There was a flight to Chicago in two hours. From there, it should be easy to get back where I belonged. I just needed to make one more stop before the airport.
The cemetery wasa small plot on the land Cameron’s family owned outside of town. He’d always said he’d been born here and he’d die here. I guessed he was right.
The grass was cut and there were fresh flowers on each of the headstones. I hadn’t been to this spot since the funeral all those months ago, but I remembered exactly where I was going.
I stood and stared at the granite slab with his name permanently etched in it. Somehow it didn’t seem possible he was gone, never to return.
“I was so angry at you, Cameron.”
I didn’t say anything else for a minute, like I thought he might respond. Somehow releasing those words felt huge. They hung between me and the headstone.
“I was mad at myself too.”
While it had been easier to blame him for Celia and the accident, the weight of it sat firmly on my shoulders.
“I couldn’t save you,” I said hoarsely as my eyes stung. My head was filled with visions of that moment where he slipped from my grasp.
“I love Celia.Was going to ask her to marry me. Will you tell her that? Take care of her?”
Stunned my best friend had been cheating with my girlfriend, I lost my grip. When I realized what I’d done, I reached for him. I caught him with both hands, but couldn’t hold on.
“I’m sorry.”
I touched the headstone and tried to gain my composure. I’d avoided any thoughts of what had happened on that mountain as best I could. Facing it now wasn’t easy.
“It all went down so fast. We had so much training on what to do in an emergency, and I choked when it wasn’t a drill.” I hung my head.
Survivor’s guilt.
I had it in spades and combined with my anger, it was a heavy load.
“I wish you’d told me about you and her.”
I meant that. Yeah, I would've been beyond angry. I might not have spoken to either of them for a long time after. Or I might have been more understanding. But I never had the choice.
“You should’ve told me you loved her. Looking back it’s obvious. Maybe you were better together than she and I were." I kicked at the grass. “But I trusted you.”
Betrayal. Death. Loss.
