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He nodded. “Okay. Yeah, I’ll talk to him. Sounds like you’ve gotten to know him pretty well.”
I smiled. I had. I could now comprehend how fortunate Andrew, Marlow, and Holt had been having Mr. Dixon as their father. Even though his son had ditched me, he’d kept up contact and become a father figure of sorts for me too. And now I got to have both of them. Surreal.
“Yes, I have. He’s such a good man. He’s been like a father to me, and I hadn’t realized what I’d been missing.”
“I know exactly what you mean.” A shadow crossed his features. “I’m thinking we should get all the shit out of the way now. Sound good?”
It sounded better than good. “Then leave the past where it belongs?”
“The woman you saw me with at the bar, I-I thought she was the one.” Pain nearly blinded me, despite I’d already figured that out. “The guy you saw the article about—”
“Cameron?”
“Yeah, Cameron.” He stumbled over the name. “We didn’t just work together. He was my best friend. The three of us did everything together.” He looked down at where he gripped my foot. “I didn’t know they were spending so much time together when I wasn’t around.”
“Holt.” I didn’t know what else to say.
“She knew about my mom cheating on my dad. He did too. How that was the one thing I couldn’t tolerate.”
“Please tell me you didn’t catch them in the act.”
“No. Cameron and I were tagging trees in the woods. It was a pretty vertical hike, cold at that elevation.” He shivered. “We were headed back down the trail when he slipped. Somehow he caught himself on a rock. The incline was steep. The angle so awkward. He managed to give me one hand, but I couldn’t pull him up.”
I covered my mouth with my hand.
“We held onto each other, but he was a big guy. All muscle. It wasn’t enough.” He looked away and squeezed his eyes shut for a second. “He said to tell Celia he loved her. He was going to ask her to marry him. And he was sorry. Never meant for it to happen, but she was everything to him.
“I was so stunned, my grip on him slipped. I caught him, but couldn’t hold on. I wasn’t strong enough. He—he fell. I watched him hit a rock below and disappear down the side of the cliff. He screamed her name the whole way down.”
I set my glass on the coffee table and did the same with his beer before I vaulted onto him. I hugged him with everything I had.
“I’m so sorry. I know that’s not good enough, but—”
“I was such a wreck. I’d failed my best friend and was pissed off at him at the same time.”
“You lost everything that day.”
“I thought I had.” He nuzzled my hair. “It took me moving back to New York to realize maybe I hadn’t.”
“That’s why you said you couldn’t trust.”
“For you, I’ll try.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I’m still angry with him. It’s wrong to stay mad at a dead man, but I can’t make it stop.”
“You didn’t have time to work it out. Everything happened at warp speed.”
“I went to see him. I'm still mad at him, but I’m in a better place to move past it. You make it not hurt quite as much.”
I stroked his cheek. “You’re finally facing your feelings instead of ignoring them,” I corrected.
“Wouldn’t be doing that if it weren’t for you.”
“I promise I will never betray you.”
“I know that.” He held me tightly to him. “And I’ll never try to control you. All men don’t brainwash.”
“I’m beginning to believe that,” I whispered. “I love you, Holt.” He leaned into me and kissed my forehead. And it felt like home having his face so close to mine.
“I love you too, Baker.”
