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“You feel it’s your cross to carry.”
“It is. I didn’t do enough. I was so caught up. And Kyle. He’s in my head all the time.”
“He always will be,” she said apologetically. “But you have control over what you do with that.”
My therapist had tried to make me understand that concept. I knew what it meant but had failed to put it into practice. That was one reason for moving out of Paths. To get control over my life.
“I like to think that if I had it to do all over again, I never would. But I don’t know that. I got sucked in, was so weak.”
“You weren’t weak. He wasn’t right. It’s not your fault you didn’t know it.”
I’d been young and vulnerable when we met and had lied to my family about his age, not that they’d cared. The second I’d finished high school, I'd been on my own. Well, Kyle had been there.
“He loved me. Too much.” I fingered the comforter and stared at the wall. “It’s messed up that I still miss that.”
“He gave you a side of himself that you fell in love with.”
“He was controlling, but I didn’t mind. If I’d been stronger—”
“Don’t do that.”
Tears trickled down my cheeks, and I sniffled. “I can see it happening again. With Holt. It wouldn’t take much for him to become my whole world.”
Trish gently pulled on my shoulder until I sat up. Her eyes were serious as she looked at me. “You are strong. Your own woman. Look at how far you’ve come. What you’ve accomplished.”
“I got the internship because Hayden felt sorry for me.”
She frowned. “That’s not true.”
“Oh come on. At the shelter, we’re all charity cases.”
She recoiled as I lashed out. “Maybe,” she said hesitantly. “But I learned a long time ago that help is help. And sometimes we just need it in any form.”
I let my eyes fall closed for a brief second. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just—”
“Upset,” she finished for me.
“Yeah.”
“In all the time I’ve known you, this is the first I’ve seen you any less than perfect.”
“I’m not perfect.”
“You make it look easy. Especially when I know it’s not.”
“I don’t know how to deal with it anymore.”
“One day, one step at a time.” She put her arm around my shoulders and squeezed. “I saw a mess out there on the table when I came in. I’ve got a little time to play test subject if you’re game.”
I gave her a wobbly smile. “Yeah. I’m definitely game.”
Chapter Eight
Holt
“Honey, I’m home.”
I balanced a pizza and a six pack of beer as I kicked the front door shut. The large living/dining/kitchen area was quiet, other than the low sound of “Only" by RY X in the background. Except the mess on the table had spread from the center space it occupied this morning to the entire surface. I smiled. Baker had been working hard today.
