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I wanted it all. I wanted it with Holt and only Holt.Which was so dangerous.
But this was exactly how I ended up so broken. Because I couldn’t see past Kyle. Couldn’t stand on my own two feet.
I thought I’d made headway. The internship. The makeup line. A friendship with Trish. An honorary aunt to Ella.
Holt had sucked me in from the second he’d given me that lazy smirk and called me easy on the eyes. Despite my best effort, I’d never escaped his vortex. I should have known that the second I lost my mind when he didn’t come home.
He shifted beside me, a possessive hand splayed across my back even in his sleep.
“Easy.” His voice was rough as he pried his eyes open. “You okay?”
The concern that met me twisted my soul into a heart-shaped knot.
“Yeah.” I touched his cheek. “Go back to sleep.”
The semblance of a smile I offered was enough to placate him. He rolled onto his back and pulled me on top of him.
“Holt.”
He ran his fingers up and down my spine. I closed my eyes and rested my head on his solid chest. Just one more night. Or maybe two. Or maybe I could do a few nights and not lose myself.
I held him a little too tightly. No. It was already happening. My mind was already altered because of him. I wasn’t strong enough to stop it, so after tonight—no, tomorrow—I’d have to distance myself. Which was going to be nearly impossible since I lived with him.
“Don’t tell me you’re okay when you’re not.”
“I’m—”
“Your heart is going at a million miles an hour.”
“I just can’t sleep. It’s nothing.” This was the lie I’d been telling for nearly three years. It was stale and bitter on my tongue.
“I’d prefer you tell me you don’t want to talk about it than lie to me.” He sounded more awake now, his voice somber.
“Today. It was . . .” I was uncertain how to put it all into words.
The garage.
The dinner.
The shower.
The feelings.
“Yeah. It was.” He drew circles on my lower back with one hand and massaged my scalp with the other.
“Why’d your sister get so angry with you at dinner?”
Holt tensed. “Jack, her husband, was killed in Afghanistan. She’d told him she was pregnant the day before.”
The way she’d lashed out made more sense. How could anyone get over that?
“At least he knew he was going to be a dad.” That was a stupid thing to say. A boy would never know his father. A wife would never get over losing her husband.
“That’s what I said when I found out. Marlow didn’t take too well to a positive spin.”
We were quiet for a long moment, a heaviness in the air. There was nothing to make the situation any better.
“It’s killing her. She loves Blake, but I don’t think it’s enough.” He wrapped both arms around me and buried his nose in my hair. “I shouldn’t have brought him up. Not like that.”
