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Pain struck me. The picture was of a happy-go-lucky Holt sitting on the back of a pickup truck, beaming at a beautiful woman nestled between his legs.
He loves her.
The thought came so quickly it knocked me on my ass.
Unable to look at the photo any longer, I unfolded the newspaper article.
Veteran Park Ranger Killed In Climbing Accident
The article was dated nearly eight months ago, and the photograph of a man too young to be gone stared back at me.
“I found some.” I started at Holt’s voice, who stopped dead in the closet doorway. The smile vanished from his face. “What are you doing?”
He snatched the article from my hands and shoved it back in the bottom of the bag. When he noticed the picture of him and the woman, he flinched. He tossed it in the duffle and stuffed the clothes I’d removed back inside.
“Who are they?” I heard myself ask.
His nostrils flared as he went ramrod stiff. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Holt held out a hand. I placed mine in his, and he helped me up.
“Did you know him?”
He walked out of the room without a word. I should have let it go, but somehow I felt I’d unearthed the source of some of his pain without even meaning to.
It didn’t escape me I’d not mentioned a word of the woman. Because I didn’t want to know. Deep down I already did, and I felt a stab of pain.He’s not yours.He was a man with secrets, and one of those secrets involved a woman he loved . . . maybe still loved, even though he was sleeping with me. He told me he’d never cheat on a partner, but how did he switch off that love he had for her so quickly?
I followed him to the kitchen. He was at the refrigerator, twisting off the cap of a water.
“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” He lifted the bottle to his mouth, and I stepped in front of him.
“Maybe you need to.”
“You really want to go there?” He lifted a brow, and my shoulders sagged.
“I’m sorry for your loss,” I said quietly.
He took another swallow of his drink and absently began to pick at the label. My heart ached for him, far overshadowing the jealousy that had sunk into my soul.
“He was my best friend.” My lips parted as he choked the words out. “It shouldn’t have happened. It never should have fucking happened.” He slammed his fist into the counter.
Water sloshed from the bottle. Holt reared back and threw it in the sink with a roar. Glass shattered followed by a deafening silence.
He stared past me into some unreachable place. I held him tight. Arms stiff at his sides, his entire body was a knot of tension.
I couldn’t fix it. Couldn’t take it away. But I could be there.
“I know what it’s like to lose someone you love,” I admitted quietly.
He went completely still. I didn’t look at him, only held him tightly to me. Some piece of me healed with the admission I wasn’t sure I’d ever said out loud.
Right or wrong, I had loved Kyle. That much had been innocent and pure, if not blind. Even knowing how it all ended didn’t change my feelings. A part of my heart held on to the sandy-haired boy with the crooked smile who had charmed me from the first time we met.
“It’s hard to let go, even when we know we should,” I whispered.
That was the crux of it. I loved Kyle as equally as I hated him. Two sides of me warred with one another and neither of them would win. I was a fool stuck in the spin cycle, still believing if I wished hard enough I could change the past.
“I don’t want to forget,” he said through gritted teeth. “If I do, it could happen all over again.”
