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I could hardly bear the thought.
Pepper’s expression was helpless, like she wished she had the answers but was no closer to them than I was.
She glanced toward the envelope on the dresser. “I’m scared to open it.”
While I’d gathered that, her admission felt big. Like she trusted me enough to share what was going on inside her head. That was something she didn’t give easily, and I’d take every crumb she was willing to offer.
“What’s it going to change?”
She’d been homeless. She’d been in New York with Miss Adeline for twelve years. And that was pretty much the extent of what I knew about her past. Why had she never looked back at what she’d left behind? Or had she?
“I’m not sure. That’s why I don’t want to know what’s inside.” She fiddled with one of the clasps of her overalls.
Sadie inched closer to the edge of the bed, though she didn’t get up. Her way of asking if Pepper was okay.
“Sometimes not knowing is worse than facing it.”
She sighed. “It’s from a lawyer. I haven’t done anything wrong, but my mind automatically goes to the worst.”
I wanted to reach out to her, pull her close, and promise everything would be okay. One day I would. But only when I was certain it was the truth.
“Is there anything an attorney would need to reach you for?” It was a loaded question. A nosy one. Even as I spoke it, I realized whatever the answer was, it didn’t matter.
“Not that I know of,” she said quietly. Her throat worked when she swallowed. “I didn’t mean to end up—living at the dog track.”
Something tugged in me that she couldn’t sayhomeless. As if it were still too hard to admit even though she’d lived it.
I was at a loss for words. Of course she hadn’t meant to end up there. What led to it?
She sat on the edge of the bed and reached for Sadie.
“I had a scholarship to a nearby college. When I graduated, it was hard to find a job. Everywhere I applied wanted someone with experience. But I couldn’t get experience because no one would hire me.” Her frustration was palpable and as fresh as it had been all those years ago.
“A vicious cycle,” I said wryly.
Her gaze lifted to mine. “Yes.”
My mind automatically went in a thousand directions. Had she wound up in her position because she couldn’t find work? Did she have no one to help her? And what was wrong with all those people who wouldn’t hire her? They’d made a drastic mistake.
“I ended up as a stocker at the local grocery store.” She snorted bitterly. “I had all these grand illusions that I’d graduate from college and have my pick of jobs. At least I didn’t go into debt for that degree.”
“There was no way for you to know how difficult it would be to find work.”
“I should’ve, considering I never intended to leave Cope and it’s so small if you blink you’ll miss it.” She shook her head. “Looking back, it’s so easy to see my mistakes.”
“Did your family have a business?” I was prying again, but I wanted to hear her version of what made up the past, instead of the pieced together reality I’d formed in my mind.
“My aunt farmed on what few acres she had. She tried to tell me going to school was a waste.”
What kind of person discouraged another’s dreams?
One like my father.
Dread filled me. I prayed Pepper’s aunt was nothing like him.
“I wanted to stand on my own,” she whispered. “I wanted to prove to myself I could do it.”
We had so much more in common than I’d realized. Something in me was desperate to survive without the shadow of my family name and all that money. I never wanted anyone to say I’d gotten where I was because of those things. Even though I had a safety net, very few knew about it. When I’d worked at the fire station, I’d made sure no one did. I needed to be one of the guys who understood exactly what those around me were going through. I needed to see if I would sink or swim when left to my own devices.
