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We both answered at the same time and that seemed to amuse the man.
“Lucky for you, I have some.” He held up a black binder and grinned.
It should’ve been funny, but I couldn’t laugh.
A long time ago, on the fire station rooftop with Beau asleep in my arms, I’d let myself have one moment to think about a future with her. There were kids, backyard barbecues with family and friends, and long aimless drives around the city. And so much damn happiness it had made my chest hurt.
Those were the most dangerous thoughts I’d ever had.
Because I couldn’t hold on to something that had never belonged to me.
And the next day, I’d let her go.
I never imagined a wedding, but if I had, it wouldn’t have been like this.
“Join hands, please.”
She looked at mine like they were vats of acid. I took her delicate hands in my rough ones before she decided to run. Even our hands were opposites. Hers were soft and smooth. Mine were cut and calloused. But they fit together like puzzle pieces.
The minister spoke, but he might as well have been a million miles away. It sounded like he was in a barrel. Or maybe I was.
I couldn’t look at Beau.
This whole charade was for her benefit. I should be able to find some peace, knowing I’d be able to keep her safe.
But I couldn’t.
She wasn’t marrying me because she wanted to. She was doing it because shehadto.
Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab.
That shouldn’t matter. But I hated the lie with everything in me.
Necessary lies were what got us to this point. Where we could hardly stand the sight of one another . . . although our bodies hadn’t gotten that message.
And it was too painful to be near her, knowing what I’d given up.
It didn’t matter that my intentions were noble and for the best. Standing at this altar with her hands in mine was like a knife hollowing out my chest with jagged swipes.
And I felt every single one of them.
“Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife?”
The question was a gunshot, nearly knocking me backward. This was it. No going back. Though if I were honest, we’d reached that point when I’d picked her up hours ago. Hell, maybe we’d reached it the second we’d met.
“I do.”
The two words sounded as if they were dragged from me. I’d just made a vow and couldn’t even look her in the eyes when I did it.
“Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?”
And then I could no longer look away. Would she go through with this?
She glared at me mournfully as if I’d put her in this position. As if I were the one who’d put those bruises on her jaw.
“I . . .”
What? We’d been up all night. She’d convinced me this was theonlysolution. What was she doing?
