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Emma realized that her own need to protect her heart had taken a toll on her son’s sense of security. He’d had only one adult in his life he knew he could absolutely rely on.
Her highly intelligent but equally sensitive son had felt the lack keenly.
That night as she and Kon tucked Mickey in, he said, “Now there’s someone to take care of you, Mom.” He smiled up at his father with trust she was used to seeing doled out only in her direction. “You’ll always watch out for us, right, Dad?”
“Da. I promise you with all that I am.” Kon’s voice rang with the sincerity and permanence of a vow.
Hearing her son use that comfort-seeking phrase toward someone else went through Emma with a painful jolt.
It was hard to relinquish her spot as his only mainstay, but even more painful was the realization Mickey had needed to know she had backup. And she’d never given him that.
Fighting emotions she could not cope with right then, she kissed her son good-night and told him she loved him.
“Love you too, Mom. Love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, Mishka,” Kon promised as he tucked the blankets just a little tighter around him. Then he leaned down and kissed Mickey’s forehead before standing. “See you in the morning.”
“Or in the night if I have a bad dream, right?”
“Absolutely. Your mom and I are just across the hall.” He made it sound like they were sharing a room, which they were not, but it was part of that illusion they both seemed intent on building around her.
A full-on family with all the connections.
Mickey nodded sleepily and turned to his side, contentment coming off him in waves.
Emma stumbled from his room, headed for her own.
“Emma.”
She stopped at Kon’s voice, but did not turn around. “What?”
“I thought we could spend some time together.”
“Not tonight.” Her voice caught and she knew the tears she was fighting were too close to the surface.
“Emma, what is the matter? It was a good day, was it not?” Kon’s hand landed on her shoulder.
Emma shuddered, that small connection more than her starving senses could handle.
He turned her, oh, so gently, his expression perplexed. “What is it, Emma moi?”
“You used to call me that all the time. But I’m not yours anymore, Kon.”
“I think you have always been mine. And I have always been yours.” He said it like he really believed his own words.
Only they could not be true.
She laughed, the sound too close to a sob for comfort. “Your legion of lovers would say otherwise.”
“No legion and not one of them was a lover. I had sex partners and if could change that now, I would.” His brown eyes were dark with some kind of intense emotion.
Maybe he did regret sleeping with other women, though she didn’t know why he should. They hadn’t been together. There had been no promises between them, not after Kon had evicted Emma from his life.
“Do you think it matters that you didn’t give them your heart?” He’d said that like it made all the difference, but it didn’t make any difference. Not to her. “You never gave me that either.”
The only thing that made her special in his life was that she’d given birth to his son. Emma needed to remember that, or she was going to get her heart shattered all over again.
“I think the only thing that matters is what happens now. We cannot change the past, no matter how much we may wish we could.”
