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Shit. Dropping the knife on the countertop, I hurry over and peek through the peephole, wrenching the door open when I recognize Liam, who brought me the unused Plan B that one time.Paddy.
“Is Paddy okay?” I grab his arm, and he looks at me, confused, as I claw at him, panicking.
Paddy doesn’t love me, but he’s all I have left. He can’t be gone too. Hehasto be okay. He has to be.
“I’m sure he is.” Liam shrugs, stalking into the apartment. “Why are you asking?”
He reeks of alcohol. He’s drunk. Anger surges through me. Does he have any idea how much he freaked me out? Asshole. I smack his arm as hard as I can.
“Maybe because you’re hammering on the door in the middle of the night yelling that it’s an emergency!”
He has the grace to smirk shamefacedly at me. “Yeah, a sexual emergency. I need condoms.”
He grins at me, waggling his eyebrows as my mouth drops open, and I smack at his arm again. I almost miss it because he’s already wandering into the bedroom. Uh, hello? You can’t just walk into people’s bedrooms, especially if they’re not here. Paddy probably doesn’t want random men in there, even if they are members of his crew.
“Hey! You can’t go in there!” I hurry after him, tugging at his arm.
“Where else would I go to find a condom stash?” Liam laughs, easily shrugging me off him.
Growling in frustration, I leap onto his back, locking my legs around his waist like a koala, tugging at the back of his shirt. Undeterred, he continues like I’m an annoying fly, occasionally swatting at me but otherwise ignoring me.
“Where does he keep them?” he asks over the top of my protests. “Nightstand?”
He tugs one of the drawers open, but it’s empty.
“I have an IUD, remember?”
He wanders into the bathroom with me still clinging to his back, tugging ineffectually on his shoulders. He starts opening drawers.
“So Paddy doesn’t have any condoms,” I remind him, hoping it’s enough for him to give up and leave so I can grieve in peace. Hell, this is the last thing I need right now.
“Paddyalwayswraps it before he taps it,” Liam snorts at me. “He might not withyou, but he does with everyone else.”
Everyone else. My chest feels like it’s caving in, and I fight the urge to vomit. Suddenly, there’s not enough air in the room. Again.
Of course Paddy would have other women. Why on earth would I think we’re in some kind of relationship? Because we fuck every day? Big fucking deal. I’m probably nothing but a warm body to him. I’m in his space. I’m convenient. My heart is lying in pieces right now.
But he cuddles you, he holds you every night, a small, hopeful voice in the back of my mind whispers, and I cling to that shred of hope. I have to, or I’ll fall apart right here in front of Liam. I need to get this asshole out of here. Right now. Before I go to pieces. I don’t have the energy to grieve two things, but what choice do I have?
“Where’s his fight bag? He’ll have some in there. They always send in groupies to take care of the fighters.”
He strides back into the bedroom while I cling to him like a living backpack, no longer fighting him. I’m mainly just trying to breathe, but my lungs can’t fill up properly.
I remember the night I met Paddy at the underground warehouse. I remember the stunning woman who came in to ‘take care of him.’
Oh god. Just breathe. I’ve given my heart to Paddy Flynn, but he never asked for it. I got exactly what I deserve. Men like Paddy don’t fall in love. They don’t do monogamous relationships. They don’t do relationships at all.
I projected my own feelings onto him, and now I feel like I’ve been disemboweled. I can’t stay here with him. I can’t. I can’t bear the idea of him touching me after he’s touched someone else. My stomach roils at the thought.
Unaware of my existential crisis on his back, Liam continues his search undeterred and finds the duffel in the closet, picking it up and starting to open it. Oh god.
I don’t want to know. I can’t know. It would utterly destroy me to know for certain. I come alive, thrashing and fighting Liam like a wildcat.
“Stop it! Don’t touch!” I scream, tugging at his hair. I want him gone. I want to be gone too. Maybe he can take me with him.
“Ah, Jesus fuck, woman!” he yells back, still holding the duffel in one hand while grabbing at me with the other, trying to twist around to get at me.
PADDY
