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But my words only make her cry harder. Fuck. This is terrifying. Everything I say or do seems to be wrong. What the fuck happened? I’m going to fucking kill whoever caused this.
Eventually, I give up trying to calm her down. I lay down next to her on the bedroom floor, watching her face as she cries her fucking heart out.
Every sob is like a knife to my fucking heart. My fingers are flexing because I just want to hold her. But it will only make things worse.
Clenching my fists and gritting my teeth, my eyes don’t leave Lauren’s face until she cries herself to sleep. Even then, when the tears and sobs stop and she’s fast asleep, her breathing is still ragged, and she occasionally hiccups.
Once her breathing has evened out, I finally get up, snagging the comforter from the bed and carefully wrapping it around her. Lying back down on the floor beside Lauren, I tentatively hold her hand, tangling my fingers with hers. When she doesn’t wake up, I reach out with my other hand, running my fingertips over the freckles on her nose.
“I’m going to fix whatever hurt ye, lass,” I whisper to her sleeping form. “I’m going to take the pain away.”
I let my thumb brush against her lower lip. “I love ye, lass.”
Chapter Seventeen
LAUREN
My eyes feel like they are glued shut, and my throat aches like I swallowed a handful of rusty nails. But worse than all that, my lungs feel like they can’t fill, and my heart feels like it’s been ripped out of my chest.
I moan at the dull pain, forcing my eyes open. The first thing I see is my hand, sticking out of the comforter I am wrapped in, lying on the floor.
My fingers are tangled with Paddy’s, and the dull throb in my heart intensifies. Beyond our hands is Paddy’s face. He’s lying on the floor, watching me, his face a mask of pain.
“Lauren,” he whispers when he sees I am awake, his voice tortured. He lifts the hand not holding mine, moving to touch my face. I flinch away from his hand as he freezes.
“I want to go home,” I rasp out. Paddy winces at the rough sound of my voice. But there’s no one for you there, the small voice in my head whispers, and my heart clenches.
“Ye can’t,mo chroí,” he gently replies. “It’s not safe for ye there. Tell me who hurt ye, and I will make them suffer.”
The sincerity bleeds through his tone, and it tears at the empty space in my chest where my heart used to be. Everyone hurt me. The men who killed Mrs. Dawkins. Liam.Paddy. Everyone.
“If I can’t go home, can I stay somewhere else? I don’t want to stay here,” I stubbornly insist. Something dark flashes across his face, but he nods.
“Of course, lass. I have a house in West Roxbury. We’ll go there.”
I know I came to him for salvation, but he’s not my savior anymore. I can’t be in the same house as him – loving him – and knowing he feels nothing for me.
“Not you,” I choke out, shaking my head as the tears threaten again. “I don’t want you there with me.”
Paddy’s gorgeous face spasms with pain and rage. “I need ye to talk to me,mo chroí.” His fingers tighten almost painfully on my hand. “Tell me what happened.”
I struggle to sit up, and Paddy immediately jackknifes upright, helping me sit up, his hands on my arms, clamping down hard.
“I just….” I swallow another sob trying to force its way painfully up my throat. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, my voice breaking.
“I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, Paddy.” I shake my head sadly at him while he blinks in surprise. “I’m so sorry. But I can’t be around you. I know I have no right to expect you to give up other women, but I can’t…I can’t be around you knowing that you….” I choke off the rest of the sentence, my heart clenching in agony as he reaches out, brushing his thumb along my lower lip.
“Mo chroí,” he breathes, his face a strange mixture of triumphant and confused, “hear me when I say this. I haven’t even looked at another woman since I met ye.”
Now it’s my turn to blink in surprise. He what? But…surely..?
“Why in God’s name….” he trails off as I blow out a shaky breath.
“You haven’t…with anyone?” I stutter, my lungs filling with air, hope fluttering around inside my chest, beating against my poor, abused heart.
“I don’t see their faces, lass. Only yours,” he whispers back, his thumb still tracing my lower lip, my heart clenching as I melt into a puddle.
Paddy’s hand curls around my cheek, and he leans in, his eyes burning into mine until his lips are less than an inch from mine.
