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I eased her out onto the pavement, immediately leading her to the front of facility. When we were just inside, she stopped, pulling me to the side. “Thank you for giving me this opportunity. At least I’ll have a chance to say goodbye.”
The beauty in her two sides was that they blended together to provide the kind of verve that could light up any room. “Fire and brimstone one minute, a wisp of cotton candy the next.”
She laughed for the first time in two days, the sparkle in her eyes something I coveted more than anything. “You actually almost made a joke.”
“No joke, sweet Emily. It’s the truth.” I brushed hair from her eyes, angry with myself for far too many things to list. She was the epitome of the good girl, one with a heart of gold and a determination to heal the world. I was the very bad man with a need for vengeance and blood. The combination should be toxic, but the light and dark had moved into the shadows, a place where only fantasies lived.
She didn’t know it yet, but I would set her free. She didn’t deserve to live in a world of such brutality.
The only reason I could let her go that made any sense was that I’d fallen in love with her. If only the feeling was freeing instead of agonizing.
Leaning forward, she kissed my lips softly, gently as if it would be the last time. Then she squeezed my hand. “You are a good man deep down inside. I’ve seen it. Never forget that.”
The pain in my heart was almost too much to bear, but I had to shut down all emotions or I’d have no chance at finishing what I’d set out to do.
That wasn’t acceptable.
The kiss would be our last until my return. As she pulled away, heading for the administration desk, I brushed my fingers across my lips. I only hoped her scent would linger until I took my last breath.
* * *
“Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not; and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad.”
—Henry Wadsworth Longfellow
Emily
“I’ll be down the hall, fifteen feet away,” Kostya said as soon as we were just outside the room.
“Nothing is going to happen. We’re in a medical facility. Stop worrying.” I glanced at the two burly men holding court just outside my mother’s door and in truth, I was grateful they were here. It gave me a small sense of peace.
“Trust no one. Remember?” He tried to smile but I sensed he had much more on his mind than my mother’s illness.
While I wanted more time with her, there wouldn’t be enough time in the world to ease the pain. I’d ask to see the doctor after my visit to hear about her prognosis myself.
“I’m not going anywhere, Kostya. All I ask is that you give me all the time available. She’s all I have.”
“She’s not all you have,mi hermosa flor. Wherever you are, I’ll be with you if you need me.”
He was infuriating, his words pulling me into a web of passion and longing. As he rubbed his thumb across my cheek, I wanted to find the strength to push him away. Instead, I threw my arms around him, holding him close. I needed his warmth as well as his strength in order to face my mother. I’d promised myself that I wouldn’t cry, but the tears were already forming.
When I pulled away, he stopped me again, rolling the same thumb under first one eye then the other. As he pulled his finger to his mouth, a small shudder trickled through me. He had a way of taking away a portion of the ache.
He walked away, leaving me to collect myself for a few seconds before heading inside. I tapped on the door lightly, delighted to see she was awake.
The look on her face was sheer joy, her eyes filling with tears at the same rate as mine. While I’d learned she’d been told that I was alive, she hadn’t been allowed to learn any additional details. If I knew my mother, she’d peppered the soldiers with questions.
“Baby girl,” she cried out, her face more haggard than the last time I’d seen her. She’d lost additional weight, which mean her body was starting to feed on itself. If the prognosis was the same or worse than before I’d… left, soon her organs would start to shut down. At least from what I’d seen of the facility, it was topnotch. For that I was grateful.
“I’m fine, Mama. I’m right here.” I dragged the single chair closer, taking her hand into mine as I sat down. She was ice cold even though she had several soft blankets covering her. There was a warm ray of sunshine streaming in through the open blinds, a vase of beautiful flowers positioned on her table.
“What happened? They killed Eddie. Then you were gone. The police didn’t know anything. They wouldn’t tell me anything. Then this man came for me. I had no choice. I…”
“Sssh… You know stress isn’t good for you. Try and breathe for me. Okay? It’s a very long story what happened.”
“We have time. You’re here with me now.”
I’d planned on what I was going to say to her, rehearsing it several times. Now, every word, every sentence was long gone from my memory. “Just know I’m safe and so are you. The men who took you were hired to make certain nothing happened to you.”
