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“You can’t tell me you love me and then change your mind like that.”
My eyes fill, but I make myself take another step backwards.
“I think you should go.”
“Can’t we talk about this?”
Maybe we should talk about this, but no amount of talking is going to make me believe he loves me.
“Not now.” I shake my head. “Not with Ryle here.”
“But—? Can we?”
“Goodnight, Truman.”
16
Truman
She still loves me.
I take that knowledge home the night she tells me, and I wake up with it and carry it around everywhere I go. The trouble is, the words are in my head, not my heart. Not yet. Because she’s not happy. It pained her to tell me—to confess to me—that she still loves me. She didn’t want to talk about it with Ryle around. She argued that it didn’t make anything easy, so I spend the next several days a mix of emotion that makes me act like a moody teenager.
I want her to love me, but I want her to want to love me. I want us to be together, not living apart and making each other miserable. I don’t know what to do about it. Of course, my first instinct is to show up at her house again and insist that we talk. But I know better. It wouldn’t go well. Even if we got Ryle out of the house for a day, it wouldn’t be a good idea to push myself back into Julie’s life.
And then there’s the whole thing about her going to Florida. First of all, even if it was just she and Dani going, I would dread it. I hate being away from Basset, because I miss time spent with Ryle and Julie. I can’t imagine being here with Ryle and climbing the walls missing Julie. Thinking about her kicked back on the beach with a drink. Watching the waves rolls in. Walking in the water and laughing when the waves touch her knees and maybe higher.
Not to mention the possibility that Jerad would go with them. Maybe Julie doesn’t have feelings for him, but that doesn’t make a beach vacation where they’ll be around each other any easier for me to swallow.
Twain and Mabry come to Ryle’s next ball game. Ryle’s thrilled to see them. Me? Not so much. Since Twain and Harper cornered me on Mom’s birthday, I’m angry with both of them. Mostly just because it forced me to say out loud the awful things I said to Jules when we broke up. I’m not proud of that guy, and I feel worse since my siblings know what I did.
I feel like it might have been better to cheat than to suggest she have an abortion since I wasn’t ready to be a dad. Especially with how her dad has treated her all her life.
Dani and Eric sit with Julie—thankfully, the fourth wheel isn’t around. I shouldn’t be this upset about him, but it makes no sense to me. Like she wants to make me jealous. Except that’s not who Julie is. Maybe it’s Dani. Either Dani wants to make me see the wonderful woman I lost, or Dani wants Julie to find someone else.
I guess I can’t blame her for wanting her best friend to be happy. But her meddling isn’t any better than Harper’s.
“That poor kid looks just like you,” Twain announces. We’re standing behind the bleachers, leaning our elbows on the top one. Mabry said hi, but she found Julie and quickly made her way over to sit with her. I watched for a minute as Julie introduced her to her friends, but the whole scene just kind of stuck in my gut and gave me indigestion, so now I’m back to watching the field.
Ryle’s on first base tonight.
And he does look just like me.
“Lucky kid, you mean.”
Twain snorts.
“Hopefully, if you and Mabry have kids, they’ll look like her.”
“I’ll agree with that.” Twain nods, eyes still on the field. “Look at Ethan.”
I find Ethan in the third base area, but he’s on his knees digging in the dirt.
“Good thing Harp’s not here for that.”
Keith is here, and I notice he’s watching Ethan, but he’s much more likely to let Ethan’s inattention go than Harper is. She’s a stickler for rules and learning.
“You gonna do it?” I nudge Twain’s elbow with mine. He turns his head to look at me, the bill of his cap pulled low over his eyes.
