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TUCKER
After our shower?and no, it wasn’t a fun shower, as much as I tried?Natalie and I settled into bed. We’re laying on our sides, facing each other. I am exhausted, but I know we need to have a conversation about everything that happened today.
“Wait a minute, you’re supposed to be at work right now.”
“Nah, I’m good. I called my boss and told her I was sick. She was fine with it.”
I furrow my brows. “You have a boss?”
Natalie busts out laughing. “No, I am the boss. I was making a joke. You really are tired. Should we wait on this conversation until you’re rested?”
“No, we should have it now while it’s all fresh.” I sigh. After her reaction downstairs, I’m not afraid she’s going to leave. She would’ve hightailed it faster than the roadrunner if she was going to run.
“Soooo, that was your dad?” she asks slowly as if she’s afraid to start on the most negative topic.
“Yeah, that was my dad.” I blow out a breath, attempting to relieve the pressure in my chest.
“Well, I guess we don’t have to worry about setting a place for him at Christmas dinner.” A chuckle rumbles through my chest and loosens the tightness I was feeling. Leave it to Natalie to know how to diffuse the tension.
“Before we dive into the dark and unseemly, I need to tell you something.” Her eyebrows furrow at the seriousness of my tone. My eyes roam her face as I try to get my words together. Sharing my feelings is not something I’m used to doing, so this is incredibly hard.
“Nat, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me, and despite being abysmal at relationships, I want you to know how much you mean to me. I don’t have anything good to offer you, as you clearly saw earlier with my dad, but I still want you with everything I have.” I shake my head at the word vomit coming out of my mouth. None of which is what I want to say to her.
“What I’m trying to say is... I love you. You’re it for me. I’m sorry it’s not much, but it’s all I have.” God, why am I so bad at this? I close my eyes as humiliation floods my system. I don’t think I could handle seeing the pity in Nat’s eyes right now.
I feel her hands on my face, directing me to look at her. There's a shine of tears in her eyes I wasn’t expecting.
“Tucker, what you’re offering me is everything I’ve ever wanted. You don’t see how much value you bring into my life. I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you anymore. I love you so much my heart aches with it, and I’ll want you until I take my last breath.”
I can hardly believe the words coming out of her mouth right now. My heart is about to explode with how hard it’s beating. I’ve never felt this much in one moment, and the only thing I can think to do about it is kiss Natalie until it goes away.
My mouth lands on her soft lips like a wrecking ball. My fists clench in her hair, and I pull her into me so I can feel her against my body. My side burns like a bitch, but nothing is going to ruin this moment for me.
“Tucker, we have more to talk about,” Natalie says against my lips; we’re both panting, trying to catch our breath.
“I’m busy,” I say, pulling her bottom lip into my mouth. She moans, and I smile in victory.
“First talking, then resting.” Natalie tries to be stern, but it doesn’t work on me.
“I tell a girl I love her and all I get is a little kiss. Then she makes me talk about my feelings.” Natalie rolls her eyes at me, and I wink at her.
“Tell me more about what I saw on the porch today.” I take a deep breath because this is a long-overdue conversation, one that will be difficult to get through.
Natalie lies on her back, pulling my head onto her chest. I wrap my arms around her waist, thankful for her comfort.
“I’m going to preface this by saying I’m fine and he doesn’t control me anymore.” Natalie just looks at me with wide eyes. I can see she’s afraid of what I’m about to tell her. I close my eyes as memories sweep through my mind.
“After my mom left, Dad fell deep into the bottle. At first, he would just drink until he passed out at night, but then he started drinking earlier and earlier in the day. The more he drank, the worse he acted.”
As I talk, Natalie runs her fingers through my hair. It’s the most soothing thing I’ve ever felt. Keeping my eyes closed, I keep going with my story.
“The first punch came when I was eleven after I accidentally burned dinner.” I hear and feel Nat’s gasp. Instead of acknowledging it, I just keep pushing forward, my voice strained as the pain of the first punch surfaces.
“At the time, food was scarce because all of our money went to Dad’s drinking, so burning dinner was a huge waste of food. He hit me square in the face; I had never felt pain like that before. I didn’t go to school for a week because my face was so swollen and bruised. He learned not to hit me in the face again.
“It didn’t happen all the time in the beginning, just when I got in trouble for things, which I did my best to avoid. Then, he somehow saw us the day I kissed you, and when I got home, he laid into me. Said I was a no-good, worthless piece of shit who didn’t deserve a girl like you. Then... he threatened you.”
“Me?” Natalie squeaks out.
