AllFreeNovel
Share Us
If he wants to break up with me, then he can grow some balls and come to me first.
* * *
The weightof Luna and Koda against me is bringing a measure of comfort I didn’t know I needed. I’m lying on the couch, watching my favorite guilty pleasure movie,Stardust. I’ve been home from work for two hours and have received exactly one text from Ben, telling me he went to the gym and will come over later.
Did I pettily ignore that text message? Yes, I did. Do I feel guilty about ignoring the message? Also, yes.
I recognize my jealousies have taken over my brain, and I’m not in the right headspace to talk to him rationally. I’m also struggling with how much his ex showing up affected me. I’ve never been in a relationship where I cared this much.
My dating history comprises mostly of one-night stands and the occasional date with the same guy a few times. I was never sad if they ghosted me because I was more than likely going to ghost them first. Seeing them out with other women later never made me feel anything other than hopeful they found the right person for them.
With Ben, I care. A lot, apparently.
I think I’m struggling the most with how he didn’t come and talk to me after she left. He just stayed in his office the rest of the day, only coming out when he was needed for a patient, then would go straight back to his office. He didn’t even acknowledge me when he took her back to his office. It was as if his asshole personality took over, and he couldn’t care less about anyone else.
Michelle kept trying to ask me questions I didn’t know the answers to, which only further pissed me off. Was she moving to Sonoma? Were they getting back together? Did they ever even break up in the first place?
I knew the answer to the last one was yes, but it still put a little niggle of doubt in my brain that I couldn’t overcome. It also didn’t help that Michelle started speaking as if we’d already broken up, comforting me and telling me I didn’t need him anyway when I had her in my life. I appreciated her trying to be there for me, but it only made everything worse.
I hate how much I’ve started second-guessing our entire relationship, as well as myself. I don’t normally have negative thoughts about myself. I am who I am, and I won’t change based on anyone else’s opinion, but standing next to Runway Barbie, it’s kind of hard not to compare.
Is that what Ben wants? A woman who is sleek and sophisticated, who ensures she’s presenting her best self every day?
“Ugh!”
This is annoying. I don’t do this. I don’t overanalyze my life because something negative happened to me. Ben deserves the time to talk to me about what happened today, and I’ll give it to him. Even if that means he breaks up with me. If he doesn’t want to be with me anymore, I will be just fine.
Completely gutted, but fine.
A knock on the door makes Koda and Luna jump off me and race toward the door. I follow slowly behind, knowing it’ll be Ben.
When I open the door, he’s standing there with his hands braced on the frame, a dark look in his eye.
Suddenly, he surges forward, smashing his lips against mine as hunger and a little bit of anger pulse between us.
I get completely swept up in his kiss, forgetting about how mad I was only moments before.
“God, I should’ve come here sooner. I knew that, but I was being a stubborn asshole and thought I could handle it on my own,” Ben growls against my lips. He kisses me for a moment longer before pulling me into a tight hug.
None of these actions were expected, and I sort of hate myself for that. I hate that I immediately believed he would break up with me because his bitch of an ex walked into the clinic as if she owned it.
Rubbing my hands up and down his back, I ask the question I should’ve asked a long time ago. “What happened?”
Ben lifts me into his arms and carries me to the couch, settling me on his lap before answering my question. “She told me she missed me and wants to reconcile—her words, not mine—and when I pressed her for more information, she told me her boy-toy dumped her soon after I broke up with her. Then she said her father was not happy that our engagement was broken off since it will look bad to the voters and was requiring her to fix it.”
“So, she wants to get back together with you because she needs you, and you’re an easy option…”
“Pretty much. Of course, I told her no, and her response was,‘I’m the best thing to happen to you, Ben. You’ll come crawling back when you’re tired of slumming,’” he mimics in a high-pitched voice. “God, Sara, I was so pissed off, I could barely see straight. I knew if I interacted with anyone longer than the two minutes I was required, I would ruin every relationship we have with our patients.
“Then I went to the gym, hoping a strong workout would relieve some of the tension. I was determined to calm down before I talked to you when I should’ve just come to you first. The minute you were in my arms, my whole body relaxed. I’m sorry I’m such a stubborn asshole.”
I can’t help the chuckle that flows through me at his words. I should’ve known he would be angry about Rebecca’s visit instead of contemplating getting back together with her. “You’re not the only one to blame. I may or may not have let my jealousies cloud my judgment. I should’ve come to your office after she left instead of being mad and leaving without talking to you.”
“I probably would’ve yelled at you if you had come into my office, which you wouldn’t have deserved.”
“But the difference is you wouldn’t have been mad at me, and I could’ve helped you work it out instead of letting us both stew in our anger.”
“I guess we know for next time.”
