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Then suddenly we were kissing again, more urgently this time, so that I was breathing in short, sharp bursts. He put his hand under the hem of my vest, cupping my breast in his hand.
‘One sec,’ I said, fumbling to put my glass down, almost dropping it. We both laughed.
‘Stand up,’ he said.
Laughing lightly, I got to my feet.
He reached out and spun me around so that I was facing him and then he undid the top button of my jeans, very slowly sliding down the zip, pushing them down over my hips. I stroked the top of his head. His hair was so touchable, thick and downy; I buried my hand in it. Then I kicked off my jeans and sat on his lap, my legs straddling him. He helped me pull off my top, throwing it onto the floor.
‘You’re really beautiful, do you know that?’ he said, kissing my neck. When he buried his head in my chest, I pressed him into me, quietening the voice in my head that was telling me I was going to get hurt, that I should play it cool, that I was going to like him too much after this. And then I thought briefly of the neighbours, that I ought to close the curtains, but I couldn’t seem to stop for long enough to say.
Afterwards, I got dressed quickly.
‘I hope nobody saw us,’ I said, laughing lightly.
Jack was sprawled on the sofa, completely naked, his hands behind his head like he was sunbathing on the beach. ‘I’m trying to work out how much I care.’
I perched on the edge of the sofa next to him. ‘That was nice,’ I said.
Which was an understatement, really, because I had never had sex like it before, not with Dan and certainly not with Tyler. I’d felt truly connected to him, like I could have done anything, said anything, and it wouldn’t have mattered.
He pulled me into him, kissing the top of my head. ‘An unexpected turn of events,’ he said.
I watched him pick his T-shirt off the floor and put it on, then he did the same with the rest of his things. He sat back down, taking my hand and kissing it.
‘Any more of those Negronis going?’
I swallowed, trying to steady myself. Panic had begun to kick in. I tried to tell myself that everything was fine. Just because I’d had sex with him once and it had been amazing and he was the first person I’d liked this much for ages (possibly ever) didn’t mean I was going to lose my head and fall for him. I had lots of other stuff going on: possibly a new job, decorating the flat. And he’d be gone soon, moved out, going god knows where, and even though the thought of that was a tiny bit painful now, as long as I kept my distance from him between now and then, it would probably be bearable. I’d cope. I wouldn’t feel lost or abandoned, I’d just be sad for a day or two and then I’d get over it.
‘You know, I should probably get an early night,’ I said. ‘I don’t do well at work when I’ve got a hangover.’
A look of disappointment crossed his face, which I thought was probably because he’d wanted to have sex again, rather than him having the sort of feelings for me that I, annoyingly, had seemingly developed for him. He was obsessed with his work, he’d told me as much; there’s no way he’d want to complicate his life by getting involved with someone who lived across the hall.
‘Oh right. Sure,’ he replied.
I watched him get up, drain his glass. He pulled on his socks and found his shoes, which had somehow ended up at opposite ends of the room.
‘Right, then,’ he said, ruffling his hair at the back. I’d always thought he looked like a little boy when he did that. I almost crumbled then and thought: Stuff it, let’s have another Negroni. ‘We should do this again.’
I stood up.
‘Yeah,’ I replied, bending to pick a cushion up off the floor.
He put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me lightly on the mouth. ‘You’re lovely,’ he said.
Don’t go, I thought. Which meant I was in trouble. With Tyler, I hadn’t been able to get him out of the door quick enough, desperate to have my own space back, to not have to put on an act. But I didn’t have to do that with Jack, anyway.
‘I’ll walk you out,’ I said.
He followed me down the corridor, his trainers squeaking on the floor. While I fumbled with the door, I could feel him breathing on the back of my neck, which almost finished me off. I could just turn around, throw caution to the wind; kiss him again.
I stood aside, shimmying into the kitchen. He dived into his pocket for his keys, manically, as if he thought he’d dropped them.
‘Thanks for the cocktails,’ he said.
I put my hand on the door frame. ‘Any time.’
He smiled. I looked at my doormat, laughing. He kissed me lightly on the mouth. And then I closed the door.
