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I didn’t know why he was banging on about this again, the dinner party was ages ago and I honestly hadn’t given Janine another thought. I had, however, been thinking about Rebecca constantly. The way I’d felt when I was with her, the way she’d clung to me and me to her as though for that short window of time, nothing else had mattered. I remembered the smell of her hair and the curve of the small of her back and the tiny, crab-shaped birthmark on her thigh.
‘What happened, then?’ asked Luke. ‘Because it seems as though you really like this neighbour of yours. Didn’t you tell her that?’
I examined my thumbnail to buy some time. ‘There wasn’t really an opportunity to.’
I thought I’d made it obvious how much I liked her, even if I hadn’t exactly spelt it out. Part of me really, really wanted it to be the start of something, but then, of course, there was the other, darker side that thought she’d get bored of me having no money and no proper job and then she’d end it. Despite that, I thought I was ready to take a risk. To not run for the hills. She was worth taking a chance on, was how it felt.
‘Fucking hell, Jack,’ said Luke. ‘You just got off, didn’t you? Left the poor girl wondering what she’d done wrong?’
I groaned. ‘No, that is not what happened, not at all. She was the one who couldn’t wait to get rid of me.’
Luke looked positively shocked. ‘Oh. OK.’
‘It was like she instantly regretted it,’ I said, remembering how it had stung to have to walk away. ‘Her whole demeanour changed as soon as we’d finished you know …’
‘Did you ask her why?’
‘No.’
‘Jack, communication is the key here. You’re assuming that she’s not into it, but until you talk it through, you really don’t know, do you?’
The thought terrified me. I didn’t know why when I was clearly very used to rejection, on a professional level, at least.
‘You’re right. I’m going to talk to her,’ I told Luke with conviction.
Even if it went badly, at least then I’d know.
I was still in a pensive mood at gone ten, when a familiar face came bounding over, all sparkly earrings and a blouse that flopped open when she leaned on the bar.
‘Hello,’ she said.
‘Hello Ishanvi,’ I replied, using her name on purpose to prove to her that I hadn’t forgotten it, even if we hadn’t repeated that one night. She’d made it clear that she’d like to, but my head just wasn’t in it.
‘How’s things?’ she asked, sliding onto a stool.
‘Good. You?’
She laughed. ‘Nice to see you’re feeling less miserable tonight.’
‘Thanks,’ I said. That was nice to hear, actually, because I was sick of the melancholy, tortured-artist vibe. I finally felt as though things were on the turn. Alistair had already got me a casting for a Eurostar ad next week and we were going into previews for the play and I was feeling very positive about it. And there was Rebecca, who had made me momentarily very happy.
‘What are you doing after?’ asked Ishanvi.
‘Um, heading home?’
‘Want some company?’
I was going to have to be honest here. ‘I’m in a bit of a weird headspace at the moment,’ I said, keeping it light. ‘Mind if I take a rain check?’
She looked a bit surprised, but not exactly disappointed.
‘OK, sure,’ she said.
She went back to her friends and I went back to work, wondering whether fate might be on my side and that when I got back to Marlowe Court, Rebecca might also be coming home from a night out. That she might be as pleased to see me as I would be to see her. I thought it was unlikely, but I fantasised about it anyway.
