Page 39 of Sorry I Missed You


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I undid the strap of my watch, putting it on the coffee table.

‘You sound a bit flat, Val?’

I heard rustling her end, which I thought was probably her closing the gorgeous teal velvet curtains she had in her lounge. I loved her house; it was vibrant and warm and colourful, just like she was. If my flat was a reflection of my personality, I dreaded to think what would it say about me. It still felt half empty, I thought, or half full, depending on which way you looked at it, I supposed. In the summer, the whiteness of the walls and the lack of clutter had made it feel cool and clean and I’d convinced myself I liked it like that. But now it was winter again, I felt as though it didn’t give a sense of who I was, the things I was into, or even the person I wanted to be. I was stuck in the past, which was pretty much how I felt all round.

‘I’m fine, Becs, honestly. I’d tell you if I wasn’t, wouldn’t I?’

I wasn’t convinced, but she clearly didn’t want me to push the point, so I backed off.

‘So the reason I texted you was that I was about to message Dan and wanted you to tell me not to,’ I said.

‘Absolutely do not text Dan. No good can come of it.’

‘Would there really be any harm in it, though? You know, a casual how’s things?’

I heard Val take a drink of something. ‘What would be the point, though? You don’t want him thinking you’re still pining for him, which I don’t think you are, anyway, judging by your recent dalliance with a certain shiny American?’

I took my earrings out and put them next to my watch.

‘Do you think he misses me?’

‘Probably. Let him.’

‘Yeah,’ I said, inspecting the badly applied red varnish on my toes. ‘He’s probably out with her anyway, isn’t he? He’ll have taken her to some romantic, luxurious restaurant in town, all expenses paid.’

‘He was never one to splash money around, from what I remember,’ remarked Val.

‘He might be different with her,’ I said.

I heard the front door slam downstairs and wondered who was coming in this late and thought it was probably the girl on the top floor whose name I couldn’t remember and who was a nurse and worked all hours.

‘I mean, maybe it’s time to close that door for good now, Becs,’ said Val tentatively.

She knew how hard it had been for me, but she also knew that tonight was just a blip, that usually I was fine without him.

‘I’m trying,’ I replied.

‘I know you are.’

‘Anyway, I’ll let you get some sleep,’ I said.

‘Yeah. I should probably try,’ said Val. ‘We’re off to Ekon’s parents for the weekend. I’ll have to do non-stop talking for forty-eight hours.’

‘And that’s a problem for you because …?’ I joked.

We said goodbye and then I turned my phone off and hid it under a cushion to avoid doing anything stupid in a moment of madness.

When I went to get another glass of water from the kitchen, I could still hear music coming from Jack’s. Lately, strangely, I’d been consoling myself with the fact that he was spending every night on his own, too, and that he seemed perfectly happy about it. But not even he was alone tonight.

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